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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2004's comic on:

Tags #objectives are vague, #unmeasurable, #not inspired, #achieve full ptential, #bad job

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"I am concerned because my objectivess are vague and unmeasurable." "As a result, I am not inspired to achieve my full potential... and... um..." "Did I just say I'm doing a bad job and ask you to punish me?" "That's what I heard."

Glass Is Half Full

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Glass Is Half Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2018's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #glass, #half empty, #half full, #the engineer, #pie hole

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The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

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Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2011's comic on:

Tags #deception, #flattery, #suspicion, #manipulate, #full benefit, #wisdom, #george clooney

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Dilbert: We can manipulate the pointy-haired menace into picking the right plan by comparing it to the worst alternatives. Alice: But then we wouldn't get the full benefit of his wisdom. Dilbert: Is he behind me? Alice: It might be George Clooney. I can't tell them apart.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #envy, #big promotion, #congratulations, #not jealous, #good work, #art of full body lying

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Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2012's comic on:

Tags #golf, #video games, #pebble beach, #xbox, #full spectrum, #lamp, #fresh air, #house, #windows, #played golf, #coffee, #Sports, #Entertainment

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Co-worker: I played golf at Pebble Beach over the weekend. Dilbert: I played that course on Xbox. Co-worker: That's totally different. Dilbert: I used a full spectrum lamp to simulate sunlight. Co-worker: I got fresh air! Dilbert: You should get a house that has windows. They're terrific.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2012's comic on:

Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery, #psychology

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Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #blind, #date, #full-bodied, #indivudal, #light, #overweight, #base, #camp, #ankles

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Dogbert sits on the bed watching Dilbert tie his tie. The doorbell rings and Dogbert says, "Must be your blind date. I'll let her in." Dilbert asks, "How's she look?" Dogbert replies, "Well, you could say she's a full-bodied individual." Dilbert asks, "You mean she's a little overweight?" Dogbert replies, "I mean Sherpas have established a base camp on her ankles."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #rambling, #questions, #focus, #johnson, #fetch, #stick, #achieve, #sacrificing, #customer, #the boss

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and another employee sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, the staff meeting is over. Does anybody have any meaningless rambling questions? Johnson?" Johnson asks, "How can we work as a team to achieve total quality without sacrificing customer focus?" The Boss asks, "How many people would like to see me make Johnson fetch this stick?" Everyone raises their hands.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #service, #include, #squeege, #glasses, #shirt, #full service

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Dilbert walks into "Jiffy Med Center" with a sore arm. The nurse says to Dilbert, "Do you want self service or the full service?" Dilbert answers, "Uh . . . full." Dilbert asks a man with a stethoscope, "What does full service include?" The man answers, "We squeegee your glasses and check under your shirt."