Acting Under Orders Comic Strips
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Dilbert: Ive been ordered to build a company call center with inhumane working conditions for the employees. ut I don't feel guilty because Im only acting under orders and maybe they did something to deserve it. I might need your help to demonize them. Dogbert: Im all over it.
Dilbert opens the door. A police officer points a gun at him and says, "You're under arrest for killing a senior executive of your company with an ear of corn." As the officer frisks him, beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's head and he cries, "It . . . It was self-defense! HE started the food fight! I had just seasoned my corn . . . It was in my hand . . . It was just a reflex!!" The officer says, "The charge is 'a salt and buttering with intent to kill.'"
A woman stands in front of the Boss's desk holding a device. The woman says, "My 'defantalator' invention can eliminate the unproductive and naughty thoughts of your male employees." The woman continues, "We succeeded in getting men to stop ACTING like men, but it wasn't enough. Men must stop THINKING like men too." The Boss thinks, "Hmm . . . A little makeup and a new hairdo . . ." The woman points the invention at the Boss and says, "Hey! Cut it out!"
The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.
The caption reads, "The problem . . ." Dilbert enters looking frazzled and says to the Boss, "We're so under-staffed that the project is six weeks behind schedule." The caption reads, "The analysis . . ." The Boss looks pensive and thinks, "I can't add people . . . I can't change the due date . . . I can't ignore it." The caption reads, "The result . . ." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He wants daily status reports until the situation improves." All three look overworked and disheveled.
Dilbert sits on his couch watching television. A voice on the tv says, "Does your boss give you orders and later deny it? Do you get in trouble for doing what you're told?" On the tv, Dogbert sits at a desk while Ratbert holds a video camera. Dogbert says, "The 'Dogbert Detective Agency' will videotape it all and embarrass your boss with proof!" Back in the office, the Boss reads a document and says, "What??! Why did you do this??!" Dilbert stands in front his desk holding a videotape and says, "This is the happiest moment of my career." Dogbert says, "Lights!"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert walks into the room and says, "It's contract renewal time." Dilbert asks, "What contract?" Dogbert replies, "The owner/pet contract; ours expires at midnight." Dilbert says, "Gosh. I don't even remember signing the original one." Dilbert reads the contract and says, "Let's see . . . 'The pet's responsibility is to obey the owner's commands, no matter how humiliating.'" Dilbert reads, "'The owner's responsibilities include yelling at the pet and acting important.'" Dilbert says, "Okay, I'll si. . . Wait a minute . . . My name is typed in under 'PET'!!" Dogbert thinks, "So close . . ."
A large rabbit taps Dogbert on the back. Dogbert turns around and shouts, "Holy hairballs! What are you?!!" The bunny replies, "I am the 'Dust Bunny,' an emerging cultural icon." The bunny explains, "Once a year I come to every home and hide clumps of dust under furniture and major appliances." The dust bunny says, "You must honor me by decorating closet doors and singing dust hymns." Dogbert asks, "What about gifts? Do I get any gifts out of this?" The dust bunny replies, "No. The dust bunny symbolizes only love, goodwill and very poor housekeeping." Dogbert sucks up the dust bunny with a vacuum cleaner. He looks at the reader and says, "I know, it seems harsh, but you have to nip these things in the bud." The dust bunny cries from inside the vacuum, "Okay, gifts!"
Dogbert stands on an air traffic control panel. He says to the Boss, "Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget." Dogbert continues, "I had to cut a few corners. This big radar-looking thing is a wall clock. And most of the buttons are glued on." The Boss says, "It looks like it might be um . . . dangerous." Dogbert says angrily, "Great . . . I finish early and what do I get: 'feature creep.'"
The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."