Dogbert's Tech Support "Try rebooting yourself." "Clone yourself, put the clone up for adoption, and hope intelligence can be influenced by the environment." "Evidently your parents slapped together Version 1.0 of you and hoped no one would notice the bugs..."
Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I'm working too many hours . . . I never spend time with my family." The Boss holds up a brochure and replies, "The company cares. That's why we've developed a program to teach you how to cope." Alice reads the pamphlet, "Celibacy and adoption - the choice for the nineties."
The Boss: Tina, this is your new supervisor, Nelson. You'll be training him to be your boss.
The Boss: There won't be any bonuses this year because i gave it all to nelson. he's a man, sio he needs to support a family.
Nelson: Im gay
The Boss: Um....civil union and adoption, right?
Nelson: Im dating a rugby team.
Carol: Uh-oh. My babysitter canceled for tonight. Dilbert: Too bad. Carol: Hey, I have an idea. Do you like kids? Dilbert: I will not watch your kids tonight. Carol: I was going to ask you to adopt them. Dilbert: Absolutely not. The best I can do is watch them tonight.
Wally: I've decided to adopt a kid from Elbonia so I'll have better excuses for missing work.
Dilbert: Your plan is immoral, uncaring, and socially irresponsible.
Wally: And brilliant.
Dilbert: No one is saying it won't work.
Carol: How's it working out with the Elbonian baby you adopted?
Wally: Great! Now I have lots of excuses for missing work, and I still look like a saint.
Carol: What kind of daycare are you using?
Wally: I just sprinkle cheerios on the floor and lock the door.
Dilbert: How's your adopted Elbonian baby doing?
Wally: I had to give it back. It was a lot needier than I expected.
Dilbert: Was the baby a boy or a girl?
Wally: How would I know? It couldn't even speak yet.
