Search Results for "advance"
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Character
Monday May 09,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #death & dying, #health insurance, #advance health care, #directive, #kill me directive
Transcript
Dogbert: Here's the first draft of an advance health care directive I wrote for you. Dilbert: "Kill me if I have a headache. Kill me if I'm itchy. Kill me if I complain too much." I might have some edits. Dogbert: There's your complaining again!
Monday June 01,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #video, #phone, #compatible, #amazing, #society, #advance
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, look, I got the first video phone in the city!" Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk as Dilbert sets up the video phone. Dilbert says, "Now we wait for somebody else to buy a compatible video phone and call us." Dogbert says, "The amazing thing is that society couldn't advance without people like you." Dilbert says, "I think I saw something."
Tuesday September 29,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #unmarried, #Men, #commit, #ninety, #percent, #violent, #acts, #jailed, #advance, #prevent, #atrocities, #media, #sensation, #provocative, #write, #whole, #book, #gifted
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities." Dogbert continues typing, "And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The end." Dilbert thinks, "It's hard to write a whole book when you're as gifted as I am at getting to the point."
Sunday January 28,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #earth, #track, #macy's, #credit, #Card, #visa, #mastercard, #chew-toy, #cash, #advance, #netting, #billions, #Lottery, #prize, #bank
Transcript
Dogbert walks away from the mailbox holding a letter. He says, "Ha ha ha! My scheme to conquer earth is right on track!" Dilbert sits at a desk working on a device. Dogbert enters the room and announces, "I've been approved for a Macy's credit card!" Dogbert says, "I'll use this credit history to apply for Visa and Mastercard." Dogbert continues, "Soon I'll have credit cards from every bank in the world." Dogbert continues, "Then I'll do a cash advance on every card, netting billions to form a worldwide lottery prize." Dogbert continues, "And everybody who supports me as supreme ruler of earth gets one free lottery ticket." Dilbert says, "You know, most dogs would be delighted just to get a nice chew-toy."
Thursday February 10,
2000
Tags #Dilbert, #dilbert not buying it, #excuses, #get information, #hate people, #promise, #resentment, #saves time, #advance
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at a table with a co-worker. The co-worker tells Dilbert: "I'll get this information for you." Dilbert replies: "No you won't. You'll wait until I hunt you down and then you'll say you were too busy." On the couch at home with Dogbert, Dilbert says: "Today I started hating people in advance." Dogbert replies: "It saves time."
Thursday October 25,
2007
Tags #be sick, #in advance, #not know, #scheduled, #sick days
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources CatBert: "From now on, all sick days must be scheduled in advance." Alice: "That's ridiculous. how are we supposed to know when we're going to be sick?" "Tomorrow." Catbert: "I hired a guy who never washes his hands to help you with scheduling."
Wednesday June 24,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #common sense, #school, #tuition, #leverage, #paid, #alice, #tipping
Transcript
Dogbert says to a classroom full of people at desks, "Welcome to Dogbert's School of Common Sense." Dogbert continues, "I've asked you to pay tuition in advance; that way if you're unsatisfied with the school, you'll have the added negotiation leverage of having already paid." As the students hand Dogbert money he says, "And thanks, Alice, for asking if tipping is customary."
Saturday May 11,
1996
Tags #blood suckers, #coworkers, #famous novelist, #lowly tech writer, #scathing email messages, #write a book, #write witty, #dogcart career counselor
Transcript
Tina the Tech Writer sits at a table with Dogbert. Tina says, "I'm a lowly technical writer now, but my goal is to become a famous novelist." Tina continues, "My plan is to write witty and scathing e-mail messages about co-workers until a publisher gives me an advance." Dogbert says, "They might expect you to write a book at some point." Tina yells, "Blood suckers!"
Tuesday January 28,
1997
Tags #figure of speech, #lost work, #server crashed, #unplanned outages, #advance notice
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "The network went down and I lost my work." Dilbert replies, "The server crashed." The Boss says, "From now on, I want advanced notice of any unplanned outages." The Boss adds, "And I need it yesterday." Dilbert thinks, "I used to think that was just a figure of speech."
Friday November 09,
2001
Tags #town hall meeting, #improve communication, #actual town hall
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We're going to have a 'town hall' meeting to improve communication." The Boss continues, "But it's not actually in an actual town hall. And I'll have questions in advance, so it's not a meeting per se." Wally asks, "Who do we give our questions to?" The Boss replies, "I think you'll find that it doesn't matter."