After I Update Comic Strips
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359 Results for After I Update
View 1 - 10 results for after i update comic strips. Discover the best "After I Update" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday September 23,
2003
Tags #tasks, #a, #b or c priorities, #a priorities, #after i update, #left in tank
Transcript
Wally: "Every morning I rank my tasks as A, B, or C priorities." The Boss: "And then you work on the 'A' priorities first?" Wally: "To be honest, after I update the list, there isn't much left in the tank."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday April 28,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #tragic, #story, #update, #reported, #killed, #weather, #Sports, #injury, #news, #drove, #pedestrian
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair watching television and Dogbert sits on the hassock. The newscaster says, "After that tragic story we have an even more tragic update on a previously reported tragedy, then . . ." The news reporter continues, "We'll tell you about people who got killed by the weather. And in sports we profile the injury of the week." The newscaster continues, "And in local news, not much was happening, so we drove the news van around until we hit a pedestrian."
Monday December 01,
2014
Wally's Document Doesn't Open
Tags #jargon, #laziness, #technology, #document, #project update, #hard disk, #erase, #reinstall, #operating system, #work
Transcript
Boss: I couldn't open the document you sent with your project update. Wally: Try erasing your hard disk and reinstalling the operating system. Boss: I guess I don't need it that badly. Wally: After all the work I put into making that document?
Thursday October 24,
2019
Project Update
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary
Transcript
boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary
Thursday October 01,
2020
No Update Needed
Tags #apathy, #assignment, #face mask, #managers & supervisors, #project, #robot, #sarcasm, #technology, #update
Transcript
asok: would you like an update on my project? boss: no, not really. i only give you the projects i don't care about. asok: i just lost my will to live. boss: that is exactly why i plan to replace you with a robot.
Monday May 30,
2011
Tags #quarreling, #suspicion, #work ethic, #work independantly, #boss, #preemptive strike, #project update
Transcript
Wally: I can't work for a boss who doesn't trust me to work independently! Boss: Is this a preemptive strike so I won't ask why you didn't turn in a project update? Wally: And more distrust. How do you live with yourself?
Sunday August 21,
2011
Tags #anxiety, #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #rings after 4pm, #caller id blocked, #ignore call, #email, #horrible issue, #hate life, #torture coworker
Transcript
Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.
Friday December 02,
2011
Tags #frustration, #joking, #project staus update, #improve listening skills, #repeating
Transcript
Boss: Alice, I need your project status update by end of day. Alice: Ahleth, ah wan yer proja thatuth updah, fuh-fuh-fuh. I'm trying to improve my listening skills by repeating what people say.
Saturday December 24,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #retail business, #sales trip, #dont talk, #misleading impression, #engineering support, #after sale, #bag of meat, #lying bag of meat
Transcript
Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.
Tuesday June 26,
2012
Tags #apple, #consumer prodcuts, #lust after products, #magic, #magic dust, #nose, #smell, #technology
Transcript
Dogbert: This is the magic dust that Apple puts on all of its consumer products to make you lust after them. I wouldn't sniff it if I were you. Terrific. Now I feel compelled to get a nose like yours for no rational reason.