Against Company Comic Strips

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960 Results for Against Company

View 1 - 10 results for against company comic strips. Discover the best "Against Company" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #against company policy, #date skeleton, #chipped tooth, #date a skeleton, #skeleton in closet

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Catbert tells Asok: "Asok, it's against company policy to date a skeleton you found in a closet." Asok says: "We're just friends! I swear!" Catbert does not accept the explanation: "Eh! Eh!" Asok thinks while walking away: "It's just as well; I think I chipped a tooth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #lawsuit, #against company, #truth, #usual engineering, #no one understands, #whistleblower, #sound the same

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The boss stands behind Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to testify in the lawsuit against our company." The boss says, "Tell the truth, but do it in your usual engineering way so that no one understands you." Dilbert says, "Actually, I've decidedd to be a whistle-blower." The boss says, "Whatever. It'll all sound the same!"

Catbert Will Not Help Children

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Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

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Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.

Alice Dates Robot

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Alice Dates Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #dating, #human resources, #company policy, #robot, #relationships, #free will, #business

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Alice: Am I allowed to date a co-worker? Catbert: That's against company policy. Alice: Is our robot considered a co-worker? Catbert: No. Alice: We're good to go. Robot: Man, I wish I had free will.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #apology, #bald, #business ethics, #company lawyer, #discrimination, #lawyers, #nearsighted, #one billion, #short, #statue

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Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #honor, #executive, #judge, #died, #choking, #waffle, #x-rays, #against

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Dogbert stands in front of the bench and says to a judge, "Your Honor, my client has been accused of slaying an executive of his company . . ." Dogbert holds up an x-ray image and continues, "But these x-rays prove that the deceased died from choking on a waffle." The judge says, "It looks like you drew these x-rays yourself." Dogbert replies, "Oh, I suppose there's a law against THAT, too!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #the boss, #consultant, #clarify, #company, #policy, #discrimination, #unpopular, #religions, #short, #bald, #fat, #handicapped

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The Boss tells Dilbert and several co-workers, "I've hired a consultant to clarify our company policy on discrimination." Dogbert says, "It is against policy to discriminate based on race, sex, age, handicap or religion." A man raises his hand and asks, "Does that include unpopular, little religions?" Dogbert replies, "No, those are considered cults; you may discriminate freely against them." A woman raises her hand and asks, "What about short, bald, fat, ugly men? Are they considered 'handicapped'?" Dogbert replies, "Technically, no. You can still tease them and deny them promotions as usual." Dogbert continues, "Likewise, you may discriminate against nerds, smokers, and single people." Dogbert continues, "And we've dropped 'stupid people' from the watch list, as their lobbying efforts proved ineffective . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #the boss, #good, #bad, #news, #companies, #compete, #small, #nimble, #rate, #smallest, #company

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The Boss, Dilbert, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've got good news and bad news." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that huge companies like us can't compete against small, nimble companies. The good news is that at this rate WE'LL be the smallest company around." Dilbert, Alice and Ted shout, "We're number one! Yes!!" The Boss thinks, "What am I doing wrong here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1998's comic on:


Tags #company, #knows about wally, #phone call logs, #web hits, #emails, #urine test, #college grades, #salary, #Family, #business, #money

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Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #investment banker, #deal sheet, #company, #defending, #trillion doallr, #asbestos, #lawsuit, #no earnings, #stock analysts, #business

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Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."