Ahead Comic Strips
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59 Results for Ahead
View 1 - 10 results for ahead comic strips. Discover the best "Ahead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 12,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #elevators, #riding, #woman, #straight, #ahead, #dead, #social anxiety, #naturally, #acting
Transcript
Dilbert stands next to a woman in an elevator. Dilbert thinks, "Riding elevators is so awkward." Dilbert thinks, "Stare straight ahead . . . Don't breathe . . . Don't fidget . . . Don't blink . . . Arms hang like limp weights . . ." The woman thinks, "I think he's dead." Dilbert thinks, "Above all, act naturally."
Thursday November 05,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #creative, #ideas, #worry, #shakes, #Wally, #track, #record, #work, #ahead
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me." Wally replies, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either." Dilbert says, "Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me." Wally replies, "Well, you have to consider the track record here."
Sunday August 11,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #motorist, #distress, #ahead, #fear, #engineer, #woman, #Men, #frauds, #gas, #explosion, #men and women
Transcript
Dilbert drives his car and thinks, "Motorist in distress up ahead." A woman in a car asks, "Can you help me, young man?" Dilbert replies, "Have no fear, I'm an engineer." Dilbert looks under the hood of her car and says, "Hmm . . . Yes, I see . . . Try it now." The woman tries to start the car and says, "Nothing." Dilbert says, "Okay, try it now." The woman gets out of the car and looks over his shoulder. The woman says, "Hey, you're not doing anything but fiddling and poking at things!" The woman continues, "In fact, there's nothing in here that you could conceivably fix with your bare hands. My God, you men are frauds!!" The woman continues, "It's lucky I'm out of gas; you might have caused an explosion!!"
Saturday March 15,
1997
Tags #let me telecommute, #called in sick, #total days off, #working for nothing, #ahead in principle, #stupidity is principle
Transcript
Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, tells Dogbert, "I convinced my boss to let me telecommute." Dogbert asks, "How?" Dilbert replies, "Well, technically, I called in sick, which comes out of my time bank for total days off." Dilbert continues, "So, technically, I'm working for nothing, but I'm ahead in principle." Dogbert says, "WAY ahead, now that stupidity is a principle."
Friday March 19,
1999
Tags #analysis, #ask unnecessary cahnges, #stop ahead, #analysis unnecessary, #science
Transcript
The Boss comes into Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, did you finish the analysis for tomorrow?" Wally answers, "No." Wally continues, "I'm waiting until the last minute so you won't have time to ask for unnecessary changes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "I'm already one step ahead of him- the analysis itself is unnecessary."
Monday July 24,
2000
Tags #ahead of schedule, #calendar, #eight revision, #original schedule, #meeting, #co workers, #business
Transcript
Tina says to Wally and Dilbert, "And we finished ahead of schedule." Dilbert replies, "Question." Dilbert asks Tina with arms in the air, "Are you referring to the original schedule or the eighth revision?" Tina responds defensively, "Schedules can change." Dilbert replies, "That would be called a calendar."
Sunday February 21,
1999
Tags #weekly wally report, #pointy haired troll, #dumped record, #levels of work, #moral delemma, #disappoint stock holders, #last ounce of happiness, #one choice, #reading ahead, #assignments
Transcript
Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"
Saturday January 20,
2007
Tags #close the gap, #good at something, #jump ahead, #strategy and capabilities
Transcript
The Boss: We need to find a way to close the gap between our strategy and our capabilities. Wally: Why don't we just pretend we're good at something and call it our strategy.Sorry...Didn't mean to jump ahead.
Wednesday October 12,
2011
Tags #employees, #office workers, #worked at home, #work tonight, #leaving early, #work late, #business
Transcript
Boss: Leaving early? Dilbert: If you count the two hours I worked at home when I woke up, and the two hours I'll work tonight you'll come out way ahead today. Boss: How will I come out if you do all of that plus work late here?
Wednesday November 16,
2011
Tags #different, #employees, #goals, #work little, #year ahead, #your goals, #my goals, #business
Transcript
Boss: When I asked for your goals for the coming year, I had something different in mind. Not "work as little as possible while avoiding the wrath of the pointy-haired troll." Wally: Don't call them my goals if you mean your goals.