Alleged Loyalty Comic Strips

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30 Results for Alleged Loyalty

View 1 - 10 results for alleged loyalty comic strips. Discover the best "Alleged Loyalty" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #2 hours late, #work late, #alleged loyalty, #company loyalty

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The Boss: "Wally, it's ten o'clock. You're supposed to start at eight." Wally: "That's because I plan to work for two unverifiable hours after you leave tonight." "My alleged loyalty to this company is second to none."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #told stan, #marketing, #dna, #gullibility, #reverse process, #entire reality, #unverified, #anecdotes, #rumour, #alleged focus group, #becoming weasel, #business

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I jokingly told Stan in marketing that I reprogrammed his DNA. He's so gullible that he's actually changing!" Dogbert suggests, "You must use his gullibility to reverse the process. Remember, his entire reality is shaped by unverified customer anecdotes." Dilbert tells Stan, "I heard a rumor of a story of an alleged focus group where a quote taken out of context indicates you're not becoming a weasel." Stan says, "I'm not?! Yipeee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob in procurement, #approved equipment list, #approved list, #more work, #alleged test, #philosophy, #bob the dinosaur

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Wally is in Bob the Dinosaur's office. Bob says, "I'm afraid the equipment you want is not on the approved equipment list." Bob continues, "Let me think . . . if I add this to the approved list, that's more work for ME . . . but if I say no, it's more work for YOU . . . hmm . . . think, think . . ." Wally says, "I'd like to see this alleged list." Bob replies, "Well, it's not so much a physical list as it is a philosophy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance review, #alleged misdeeds, #lower rating, #fit bell curve, #selling crack

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Wally tells the Boss, "I can't sign this performance review! It's full of alleged misdeeds that you invented to lower my rating!" The Boss replies, "Yes, but I think it reflects the sort of things you MIGHT do. I had to make all the reviews fit a bell curve." Wally screams, "I am NOT selling crack from my cubicle!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #no contact, #employed, #Wally, #total loyalty

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Catbert says to Wally, "The company has no implied contract to keep you employed, Wally." Catbert says, "But we expect total loyalty out of you." Wally says, "I really, really wish you wouldn't do your face-stretching exercises here every morning." Catbert stretches his mouth out wide and thinks, "1-2-3..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fear of action, #festering cynicism, #lame company, #loyalty, #micromanged, #need help, #only one on earth, #physical abnormalities, #six years experince, #downsizing

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the armrest of the chair. Dilbert says, "I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert carries Dogbert to the desk as he explains, "My company is downsizing. They told us to write our own job requirements then reapply for our jobs." Dogbert asks, "Why do you want to keep working for such a lame company?" Dilbert quips, "Loyalty!" Dilbert and Dogbert laugh. Dogbert says, "Good one." Dogbert says, "Okay. You must write your job requirements so you are the only one on earth who fits." Dilbert replies, "Right." Dogbert dictates, "The candidate must have six years experience sitting in a big box being micromanaged by a nitwit." Dilbert adds, "The candidate must have a festering cynicism and an acquired fear of action." Dogbert says, "Good." Dilbert says, "That narrows it to ten thousand employees." Dogbert says, "We'll have to focus on your physical abnormalities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resume, #headhuneter, #evaluate, #engineer skills, #qualified, #loyalty

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The boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "I just got this resume from a headhunter." The boss says, "Evaluate her engineering skills and let me know if I should interview her." Dilbert approaches Alice, looks at the resume and says, "Well, Alice, You're almost qualified to work here, but I'm concerned about your loyalty."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accidentally eat, #apple core, #care values, #customer service, #respect, #stem is loyalty, #teamwork, #apple product

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The Boss: "This apple will remind us of our CORE values: respect, customer service, and teamwork." Dilbert: "The apple's core is the part you throw away." The Boss: "Not always. Sometimes I accidentally eat it." Dilbert: "Maybe the stem can represent our loyalty to the company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alleged dinosuar, #beer can, #best barbecue sauce, #caught dinosaur, #dental floss, #pull tab, #topper vs boss

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Topper vs. the Boss "It was the biggest fish ever caught in that lake!" "That's nothing." "I once caught a dinosaur by using nothing but dental floss and a pull tab from a beer can." "I'd like to see this alleged dinosaur." "Too late. I also make the world's best barbecue sauce."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unqualified crony, #quality control group, #value loyalty, #great leader, #extra disloyal

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The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"