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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #alice, #space, #computer, #office, #case study, #todd, #allen, #Men

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Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Today you will learn how to deal with people who have personality defects." The caption says, "Case 1: Todd laughs nervously at every one of his own comments." Todd says, "Don't hold it against me! Hee hee!" The caption says, "Remedy: Todd must be relocated to a distant planet." A space shuttle leaves a planet. On the planet's surface, Todd says, "It sure is lonely! Hee hee! The caption says, "Case 2: Allen stares at you like a zombie for long periods before responding to questions." The caption says, "Remedy: Allen must be paired with Virginia (Case 3) who fills all quiet spots with inane chatter." Dogbert pushes Virgina toward Allen. The caption says, "Case 4: Matt speaks slowly about amazingly boring topics." Matt says, "I . . . ate . . . a . . . pickle . . ." The caption says, "Remedy: Matt's head can be outfitted with a reading stand." A man reads a book that rests on Matt's head. Matt says, "I . . . like . . . pickles . . ." The caption says, "Case 5: An engineer. Remedy: Very quietly seal him in his own cubicle." Dogbert builds a brick wall in the door of Dilbert's cubicle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #allen, #autograph book, #flat surface, #parents

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Mister Dogbert, would you autograph my book? Dogbert: Sure, Kid. But I'll need to use your back as aft surface. Dilbert: He's got parents. Dogbert:"Matthew" won't fit , so I'll call him "Allen"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #exit strategy, #serial talker, #infinite unrelated, #engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1998's comic on:


Tags #sychophant, #puckered lips, #boss sidekick, #introductions

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The Boss introduces Dilbert to Allen, whose lips are permanently puckered. Allen and The Boss are holding mugs. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Allen, my new sycophant." The Boss says, "His head nods whenever I talk but that's not the best part..." The Boss places his mug on Allen's puckered lips and says, "Is that great or what?" Dilbert responds, "Very impressive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #hideous sycophant, #no hope, #career advancement, #lifestyle choice

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Dilbert and Allen walking down a hall. Dilbert asks, "So, Allen, what's it like to be a hideous sycophant?" Allen replies, "It's okay." Allen asks, "What's it like to have no hope of career advancement?" Dilbert responds, "Not bad." Allen and Dilbert sitting at table with food trays. Allen asks, "Were you born that way or is it a lifestyle choice?" Dilbert responds, "I'll ask my mom, but I think it was bad parenting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #agrees with everything, #boss, #complimentary, #meeting, #not authentic, #sidekick, #sycophant, #yes man, #business

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Wally, The Boss, and Allen the Sycophant sitting at table. The Boss says, "That's my plan. What does everyone think?" Allen exclaims, "Brilliant!" The Boss and Dilbert looking at Allen as he raves, "THAT IS THE BEST PLAN EVER MADE!! WOW! OOH-WAH! YOU DA MAN!!" The Boss says, "That's the type of honest feedback we need." Allen says, "I love it when you exhale in my direction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1999's comic on:


Tags #salary budget, #shouldn't have hired, #furniture budget, #credenza, #lamp, #operates as credenza

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Allen (aka the sacrificial lamb) stands in the boss' office. The boss says, "Allen, I have to cut the salary budget. I probaly shouldn't have hired you yesterday." The boss says, "Luckily, I have extra money in the furniture budget." Allan rest on all fours with a lamp on his back. allan thinks, "As God is my witness, someday I will be a credenza."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #telecommunting, #fired four years, #get email, #stopped coming

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The Boss turns to an employee and asks, "Who are you?" The employee responds, "I'm Allen. I've been telecommuting for four years." The Boss says, "Allen? I fired you four years ago. Didn't you get my e-mail?" Allen and Dilbert are walking. Allen says to Dilbert, "This is exactly why I stopped coming to the office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #telecommuted for 4 years, #fired, #unemployment, #empowerment, #sixth sense

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Dilbert, Allen, and Wally are eating lunch. Allen says, "I telecommuted for four years without knowing until today that I'd been fired." Allen continues, "Apparently unemployment feels exactly like empowerment." Allen continues, "This is just like that movie, 'The Sixth Sense.' Did you like that movie, Wally?... Wally?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2006's comic on:


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Dogbert's Seminar on Work-Life Balance "This is Allen. He didn't balance his work and personal lives." "Allen did nothing but work, work, work. And now look at him." "I'm the one who tried to balance everything. That's Allen. He's a @#!$% CEO now!"