Already Assigned Blame Comic Strips
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460 Results for Already Assigned Blame
View 1 - 10 results for already assigned blame comic strips. Discover the best "Already Assigned Blame" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday April 24,
2000
Tags #project plan, #without input, #lied to me, #skipped that step, #already assigned blame, #for failure
Transcript
Dilbert and Alice are seated together at a table when the Boss walks up and hands Dilbert a piece of paper. He says to Dilbert, "I finished the project plan without your input." As Dilbert reads the paper, the Boss goes on to say, "You would have lied to me anyway, so I just skipped that step." The Boss sits at the table with Dilbert and Alice and says, "I've already assigned blame for failure, but don't worry, it's just preliminary."
Thursday August 08,
2019
Poor Communication Skills
Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #questions, #projects
Transcript
Man: Would you like to be on my project team? Dilbert: Hard pass. Your communication skills are so poor that the project is doomed to failure. Man: I meant to say your boss already assigned you to my project. Dilbert: We're off to a good start.
Sunday February 25,
2007
Tags #in charge, #assignment, #budget, #approve expenses, #report, #project plan, #take blame, #project failed
Transcript
The Boss: You'll be in charge of this project. Dilbert: What's my budget?" The Boss: I'll need to approve all expenses. Dilbert: Who will report to me? The Boss: Your team will report to me and I'll tell them what to do. Dilbert: I'll start on the project plan. The Boss: Um... Skip that part. I already have a plan in my head. Dilbert: Hypothetically, who would take the blame if this project failed? Well, you're in charge...
Monday October 14,
2013
Tags #inventions, #magic, #thinking, #already exits, #morphic field, #pseudo scinec, #crappy genes, #filberts mother, #explains things
Transcript
Dilbert: Every time I think I've invented something, I find out it already exists. Mombert: Maybe that's because all minds are connected by the morphic field. Dilbert: Morphic fields are pseudoscience, mom. Mombert: I also blame your dad's crappy genes.
Thursday May 31,
2012
Tags #shared leadership, #model, #piece of role, #blame
Transcript
Boss: I'm moving to a shared leadership model. Each of you will take on one piece of the leadership role. Dilbert: What's my piece? Boss: Let's see. I have you down for something called... blame.
Monday January 08,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #bad, #mood, #innocent, #blame, #plead, #forgiveness, #insult, #Dilbert
Transcript
Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "I've got to get out of this bad mood somehow." Dogbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody innocent to blame . . . And make him plead for my forgiveness." Dilbert says, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that some kind of an insult?"
Tuesday June 05,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #cult, #several, #spiritual, #leaders, #already, #demonstrates, #complete, #absence, #indpendent, #chant
Transcript
A woman sits on the floor across from Dogbert's desk. The woman says, "I'm hoping you will accept me in the Dogbert Cult." Dogbert says, "You do have a strong resume . . ." Dogbert continues, "Looks like you've been fleeced by several spiritual leaders already." The woman says, "I think that demonstrates a complete absence of independent thought." Dogbert asks, "Can you chant?"
Thursday December 26,
1991
Tags #blame, #budget, #Dilbert, #the boss, #empowered, #decisions, #employees, #calculated, #risks, #new, #Word
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and asks, "What did you mean when you said all employees are empowered?" Dilbert continues, "Does that mean I can control my own budget, make decisions without twelve levels of approval, and take calculated risks on my own?" The Boss replies, "No, it's just a way to blame employees for not doing the things we tell them not to do." Dilbert hangs his head and says, "No wonder you needed a new word."
Thursday May 07,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #progress, #supreme, #ruler, #fault, #blame, #pillow, #computer
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a pillow thinking, "I've made little progress toward my goal of being supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert thinks, "Obviously it's not my fault. Somebody else must be to blame." Dogbert stares at Dilbert who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "I hate it when he just stares."
Wednesday May 12,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #engineers, #shun, #assigned, #budget, #pounce, #moment, #hypothetical, #electricity, #alice, #Wally
Transcript
Dilbert thinks, "The other engineers shun me because I'm assigned to work on the budget." Wally covers his eyes as he walks by Dilbert and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "They know I could pounce any moment and asks inane hypothetical budget questions." A man covers his eyes and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert asks a woman, "What if you only had half as much electricity next year?" The woman covers her eyes and says, "Too late. I shunned you."