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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #without input, #lied to me, #skipped that step, #already assigned blame, #for failure

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Dilbert and Alice are seated together at a table when the Boss walks up and hands Dilbert a piece of paper. He says to Dilbert, "I finished the project plan without your input." As Dilbert reads the paper, the Boss goes on to say, "You would have lied to me anyway, so I just skipped that step." The Boss sits at the table with Dilbert and Alice and says, "I've already assigned blame for failure, but don't worry, it's just preliminary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #in charge, #assignment, #budget, #approve expenses, #report, #project plan, #take blame, #project failed

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The Boss: You'll be in charge of this project. Dilbert: What's my budget?" The Boss: I'll need to approve all expenses. Dilbert: Who will report to me? The Boss: Your team will report to me and I'll tell them what to do. Dilbert: I'll start on the project plan. The Boss: Um... Skip that part. I already have a plan in my head. Dilbert: Hypothetically, who would take the blame if this project failed? Well, you're in charge...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #magic, #thinking, #already exits, #morphic field, #pseudo scinec, #crappy genes, #filberts mother, #explains things

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Dilbert: Every time I think I've invented something, I find out it already exists. Mombert: Maybe that's because all minds are connected by the morphic field. Dilbert: Morphic fields are pseudoscience, mom. Mombert: I also blame your dad's crappy genes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2012's comic on:


Tags #shared leadership, #model, #piece of role, #blame

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Boss: I'm moving to a shared leadership model. Each of you will take on one piece of the leadership role. Dilbert: What's my piece? Boss: Let's see. I have you down for something called... blame.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #bad, #mood, #innocent, #blame, #plead, #forgiveness, #insult, #Dilbert

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Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "I've got to get out of this bad mood somehow." Dogbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody innocent to blame . . . And make him plead for my forgiveness." Dilbert says, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that some kind of an insult?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #cult, #several, #spiritual, #leaders, #already, #demonstrates, #complete, #absence, #indpendent, #chant

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A woman sits on the floor across from Dogbert's desk. The woman says, "I'm hoping you will accept me in the Dogbert Cult." Dogbert says, "You do have a strong resume . . ." Dogbert continues, "Looks like you've been fleeced by several spiritual leaders already." The woman says, "I think that demonstrates a complete absence of independent thought." Dogbert asks, "Can you chant?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1991's comic on:


Tags #blame, #budget, #Dilbert, #the boss, #empowered, #decisions, #employees, #calculated, #risks, #new, #Word

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and asks, "What did you mean when you said all employees are empowered?" Dilbert continues, "Does that mean I can control my own budget, make decisions without twelve levels of approval, and take calculated risks on my own?" The Boss replies, "No, it's just a way to blame employees for not doing the things we tell them not to do." Dilbert hangs his head and says, "No wonder you needed a new word."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #progress, #supreme, #ruler, #fault, #blame, #pillow, #computer

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Dogbert sits on a pillow thinking, "I've made little progress toward my goal of being supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert thinks, "Obviously it's not my fault. Somebody else must be to blame." Dogbert stares at Dilbert who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "I hate it when he just stares."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #engineers, #shun, #assigned, #budget, #pounce, #moment, #hypothetical, #electricity, #alice, #Wally

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Dilbert thinks, "The other engineers shun me because I'm assigned to work on the budget." Wally covers his eyes as he walks by Dilbert and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "They know I could pounce any moment and asks inane hypothetical budget questions." A man covers his eyes and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert asks a woman, "What if you only had half as much electricity next year?" The woman covers her eyes and says, "Too late. I shunned you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #blame, #consultant, #willy, #individual, #employee, #innovative, #products, #pioneer, #markets, #processor, #stinks

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Dogbert is hired as a blame consultant. Dogbert: The company's problems are your fault, Willy. You blame the senior executives, but it is you- the individual employee-who must build innovative new products and pioneer new markets. Willy: But I'm just a word processor I was hired to type. Dogbert: I've seen your typing. That stinks too.