Analyzed Dna Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

47 Results for Analyzed Dna

View 1 - 10 results for analyzed dna comic strips. Discover the best "Analyzed Dna" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analyzed dna, #most qualified applicant, #willing to work, #has three ears, #snout, #life expectancy of thursday, #new guy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I analyzed the DNA of all of your applicants to find the best fit for the job. The most qualified applicant who is willing to work for you has three ears, a snout, and a life expectancy of Thursday." The Boss: Dilbert, meet the new guy. And do it quickly." cough cough

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Wally's Dna

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Dna - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #dishes, #break room, #dna, #genealogy

View Transcript

Transcript

carol: did you leave unwashed dishes in the break room? wally: it wasn't me. carol:" i got a dna sample off a fork, ran it against public genealogy records and narrowed it down to your family. carol: how do you explain that? wally: sounds like i have a child i don't know about.

Loser Dna

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loser Dna - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #performance, #review, #dna, #lying, #test, #impossible

View Transcript

Transcript

catbird: from now on, your performance reviews will be based on your dna alone. your boss can't tell when you are lying about you accomplishments, but a simple test can tell me if you have loser dna. dilbert: i don't believe that is possible. catbird: that response is how i know you have it your test is done.

Dna Says Wally Will Steal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dna Says Wally Will Steal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #psychology, #dna, #steal, #office supplies, #junk, #science, #experts, #listen

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #media, #take pledge, #give fortune to charity, #billionaires, #200 million, #leave to heir, #semi relayed, #monkey dna, #clones test tube, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interviews, #suspicion, #job interview, #brand online, #blog, #tweets, #facebook, #credit, #criminal record, #transcripts, #refrences, #external stuff, #attitude, #yrine test, #dna test, #tanning bed, #mri, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Job interview Boss: I researched your personal brand online. Man: My what? Boss: I looked at your blog, your Tweets, an your Facebook page. I Googled your name and followed every link. I checked your credit, criminal record, school transcripts, and references. But that's just the external stuff. Man: Exactly. It's my attitude that counts! Boss: No. I mean I also have the results of your urine test. Oh, and apparently some of your sample landed in a DNA test kit. And that tanning bed you used last week was actually an MRI. How's your attitude now? Man: Harder to fake.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #mensa, #meeting, #link, #arms, #stimulate, #dna, #structure, #celebrity, #random

View Transcript

Transcript

A man with a large head says to Dilbert, "Since this is the first time you've been to a Mensa meeting, I'll explain a few things." The man continues, "When the music stops we all link arms to simulate the DNA structure of a featured celebrity." The man says quietly, "To be honest, I think a lot of it is just random."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dna smaple, #fatal genetic problems, #hurt productivity, #project dealine

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #charge time, #marketing, #reprogram, #compuetr, #radiation, #alter dna, #possible, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. An employee peers around the door of Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Ha ha! Now that the engineers must charge their time to marketing, we OWN you!" Dilbert replies, "I'll just reprogram your computer through the LAN so its radiation will alter your DNA." The employee asks, "Is that possible??!" Dilbert responds "As far as you know."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guy in marketing, #alter dna, #structure, #animal, #weasel, #notice change, #marketing guys, #helix, #one helix

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I told a guy in marketing that I programmed his computer to alter his DNA structure." Wally laughs, "Hee Hee." Dilbert continues, "He thinks he'll turn into some kind of animal." Wally suggests, "Tell him you set it to 'weasel.' It'll take longer to notice any change." The guy in marketing says to Alice, "Tell me the truth, Alice, can Dilbert reprogram my DNA?" Alice responds, "Yeah. You marketing guys only have one helix."