Annoy People Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Annoy People
View 1 - 10 results for annoy people comic strips. Discover the best "Annoy People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday March 21,
2015
Dogbert The Product Designer
Tags #annoy people, #frustration, #packaging, #product design, #sadism, #software, #torture, #product code, #engineering
Transcript
Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: The main goal of product design is to annoy people for no reason. We'll start by making so much extra packaging that you need to rent a truck just to haul it away. Voice: We sell software. Man: I found the product code for downloading the software!
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Monday September 02,
1996
Tags #network administartor, #Dogbert, #good opportunity, #annoy idiots, #start tomorrow, #pager number
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "Why do you want a job as our network administrator, Mister Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I don't like people. This is a good opportunity to annoy idiots such as yourself for my own entertainment." The Boss says, "Wow. You're perfect. Can you start tomorrow?" Dogbert replies, "Sure, as far as you know. I'll give you my pager number."
Tuesday March 03,
2015
Tall People Earn More
Tags #anger, #discrimination, #fairness, #height, #money, #salary, #wages, #Women, #tall people, #short people, #performance reviews, #height accordingly, #female workers
Transcript
CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.
Wednesday December 09,
2015
The Problem Is People
Tags #failure, #human factor, #human error, #people, #misanthrope, #misanthropic, #teamwork
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished the post-mortem on our failed project. Boss: What was the problem. Dilbert: People. Boss: The wrong ones? Dilbert: Don't overthink it.
Friday April 29,
2016
People Are Terrible
Tags #hate, #human error, #interpersonal, #introvert, #misanthropy, #people, #antisocial
Transcript
Boss: What's the biggest risk with your plan? Dilbert: It's people. They're terrible once you get to know them. Boss: Then don't get to know them. Dilbert: I tried that with you and it didn't work.
Thursday February 27,
2020
Ceo Is Like Normal People
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #office environment, #cubicle, #work, #normal, #people, #respect, #stupid
Transcript
ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.
Sunday July 19,
2020
People Believe Anything
Tags #argument, #business, #people, #believe, #anything, #whisper, #campaign, #rival, #management, #dumb, #covid, #pandemic
Transcript
all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Tuesday May 24,
2011
Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #firewall down, #viruses, #spyware, #tuberculosis, #zombies, #deposed dictator, #iphone 3gs, #army of mole people
Transcript
Dilbert: Our firewall is down. Some bad stuff is getting through. Boss: How bad? Dilbert: So far we've seen viruses, spyware, tuberculosis, zombies, a deposed dictator, and an iPhone 3GS. Update: an army of mole people from another dimension has tunneled through. Boss: Keep me informed.
Thursday May 26,
2011
Tags #blaming, #quarreling, #work independantly, #close eyes, #fall back, #better than other people
Transcript
Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to work independently. In this exercise, I want you to put your arms at you side, close your eyes, and fall backward. Noise: Thud thud thud. Dogbert: And it's still better than working with other people.
Sunday July 10,
2011
Tags #anger, #quarreling, #mastered art, #being useless, #next level, #toxic, #toxic people, #complain, #personal problems
Transcript
Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.