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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #disconnect you, #abrupt disconnect, #please hold, #wrong button, #kevorkian disconnect, #annoying message

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Dogbert sits at a computer with a telephone headset on. He says, "This is Dogbert's technical support. How may I disconnect you?" Wally sits at his computer and holds a cordless phone. He says, "What are my choices?" Dogbert says, "I recommend the abrupt disconnect; simple, gets the job done." Wally replies, "I had that last time. What else do you have?" Dogbert says, "You might like our 'Please hold,' followed by the 'wrong button' disconnect." Wally says, "Too predictable. Do you have anything new?" Dogbert says, "Try our new "Kervorkian Disconnect." I put you on hold and play an annoying message until you disconnect yourself." Through the phone Wally hears, "Your call is important. Please hold while we ignore it... Your call is important..." Wally thinks, "Not bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #use speakerphone, #voice mail, #speaker phone, #inconsiderate, #too stupid, #annoying, #bob dinsoaur, #wedgie, #service elevator, #look on face, #way they yell, #philiosphers

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A man sits in his cubicle thinking, "It's time to use my speakerphone to do voice mail." The man thinks, "I can't remember if I use the speakerphone because I'm inconsiderate or because I'm too stupid to know how annoying it is." The man thinks, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers." The man screams, "Hi. Thanks for the information. Talk to you later!!!" The man shouts, "Did I tell you about my cyst?" Dilbert hears the man yelling and sends an e-mail message that says, "Dogbert, send Bob the Dinosaur quickly!" Bob says to the building security officer, "I'm here to deliver a wedgie." The man replies, "Use the service elevator." Dilbert sits at his desk humming while the man next to him screams as Bob gives him a wedgie. Dilbert presses the elevator button and asks Bob, "What's the best part - the look on their faces or the way they yell?" Bob replies, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #text message, #auto correction feature, #weather holds, #rude fresco, #auto correction, #feature

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Wally says, "I got your text message and I burped the grope plow armistice as you requested." Dilbert says, "Maybe you should turn off the auto-correction feature on your phone." Wally says, "If the weather holds, I'll flail the rude fresco tomorrow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #marriage, #interpretation, #annoying, #soul mate, #perceptive, #psychology, #relationships

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Tina: Someday, I want to get married because studies show that married people are happier. Dilbert: A smarter interpretation is that no one wants to marry an unhappy person. Tina: You're annoying. Dilbert: With any luck, your soul mate won't be perceptive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #arm chair, #quiet times, #delicious, #silence, #noise, #annoying, #inane, #chatter

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "I really enjoy these quiet times we have." Dilbert continues, "Just delicious silence. No annoying noise. No inane chatter." Dogbert says, "Apparently you don't listen to you, either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #witchcrat, #handy, #annoying, #luv, #frog, #fly, #dinner, #date, #love, #Women

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a restaurant table eating dinner. Dilbert asks, "So . . . Uh . . . Why did you decide to take up witchcraft?" The woman replies, "It comes in handy." The woman points to a fly circling the table and says, "For example, suppose I want to get rid of this annoying fly here." The woman turns Dilbert into a frog and says, "Now be a luv . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #invention, #alive, #holographic, #message, #Dogbert, #chile, #carne

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Dogbert yells, "Yikes! Dilbert's invention is alive!!" A flash of light comes from the device. An image of Dilbert's head appears and says, "I am a holographic recording of the late Dilbert, with a message to Dogbert from beyond the grave." Dogbert takes notes on a pad of paper as Dilbert says, ". . . And my recipe for chile con carne is as follows . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #andy, #android, #Dogbert, #andy the android, #annoying, #imitate, #human, #behavior

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Dilbert: My android works! Andy: Hi. I am Andy the android. I am designed to rapidly analyze and imitate human behavior. Dilbert: This could be annoying. Andy: I know you are, but what am I?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #gigantic circles, #wheat, #british, #fields, #circles, #message, #extra-terrestrials, #deciphered, #surrendered

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Dilbert sits on a hassock watching television. The newscaster says, "Gigantic circles continue to appear in British wheat fields." The reporter continues, "Experts believe the circles are a message from extra-terrestrials . . ." The newscaster continues, "The message has been deciphered as 'Surrender or the wheat dies.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #president, #Dilbert, #opening, #supreme court, #old, #wandered, #nominating, #dog, #loyal, #george, #somebody, #message

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A presidential aide says to the President, "Mister President, there's another opening on the Supreme Court. One of the old guys wandered away." The aide continues, "I recommend nominating a dog this time. They tend to be loyal and everybody likes them." Dilbert hands Dogbert the phone and says, "It's for you . . . George somebody." Dogbert says, "Take a message."