Annual Fee Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for annual fee comic strips. Discover the best "Annual Fee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart investments, #1% annual fee, #invest money, #certified financial planner, #make money

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Dogbert investments: Dogbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Dogbert says to the boss: "For a 1% annual fee I will invest your money with a certified financial planner." Dogbert says: "He'll charge 1% per year to put your money in mutual funds that charge 1% per year." The boss asks: "Will I make any money?" Dogbert answers: " I don't see you doing any of the work."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annual fee, #joke, #once a month, #dumb, #annual fee once a month

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The Boss asks a salesman, "How often would you charge us this 'annual fee?'" The salesman replies, "Is that a joke?" Alice responds, "Sadly, no." The salesman says to The Boss, "Once a month." The Boss replies, "Sounds fair."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fee, #how the future works, #portfolio, #retirement planning, #understanding future

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: My fee is 10% of your portfolio per year. Employee: Sounds reasonable. Dogbert: None of my clients understand how the future works.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #huge fee, #non practicing entity, #patent troll, #patents, #playing field, #plunge civilization, #tangle innovation, #thwart compnies, #dark ages

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Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #annual, #review, #accomplishment, #invention, #automatic, #dentures, #long, #pause, #asleep

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching. Dilbert says, "My boss is giving me my annual review today." Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss reads and document and says, "Your biggest accomplishment was the invention of automatic dentures?" Dilbert replies, "They can eat while you're asleep." Dilbert thinks, "This long pause could mean anything."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six months, #project six months, #one month, #annual visit, #doesn't understand, #selfish boss, #impossible tasks, #time frames etc

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"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob the dinosaur, #double fee, #triple fee, #infinity plus one, #childish men, #hired to beat, #tail, #project requiremnets

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Dilbert: I hired Bob the dinosaur to beat you with his tail until you give me the project requirements. MAN: HA! I'll double your fee if you thump Dilbert instead. Dilbert: I 'll triple the fee! Dilbert: He can't really pay you "infinity" plus one. BOB: I wonder how much this is on an hourly basis.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project report, #thick binder, #foot rest, #annual performance, #appraisel

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Did you see my project report yet? It's in a big thick binder." The Boss replies, "I'm using it as a footrest." Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "You never want to hear the words 'footrest' the day before your annual performance appraisal."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #curiosity, #information, #secret, #Dilbert, #meeting, #brief, #companys, #policy, #locked, #night, #great, #value, #competitors, #companies, #pay, #annual, #salary, #best, #work

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Dilbert stands at the front of a conference room. He says, "I've been asked to brief everybody on the company's policy for protecting secret information." Dilbert continues, "All secret information must be locked up at night." Dilbert continues, "Our secrets could be of great value to our competitors." Dilbert continues, "In fact, some companies try to buy the secrets of their competitors." A woman asks, "Just out of curiosity, how much would our competitors pay for our secrets?" Dilbert replies, "Oh, I dunno . . . Maybe several times your annual salary." The people at the table smirk at each other. Dilbert thinks, "I don't think this was some of my best work."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two percent annual, #disppoint, #compensated, #drastic, #low expectations, #good sign, #thinking

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Alice sits at a manager's desk and yells, "A two percent annual raise?!! Wowee!!" Alice continues, "Ha ha! You tried to disappoint me but I compensated by drastically lowering my expectations!" Wally and Dilbert peer in the door and see Alice dancing on a chair and shouting, "Weeee!!" Dilbert says, "Yeah, it MIGHT be a good sign, but I'm thinking not."