Answering Machine Comic Strips

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125 Results for Answering Machine

View 1 - 10 results for answering machine comic strips. Discover the best "Answering Machine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #phone, #answering machine, #greeting message, #demonstration, #Dogbert, #demonstrating

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I bought a phone answering machine." Dogbert asks, "Was the phone asking you questions you couldn't answer on your own?" Dilbert says, "The hard part is thinking of a greeting message." Dilbert says into the answering machine, "Hi. This is Dilbert. I'm not here right now." Dilbert says, "Well, technically I am here 'now' . . ." Dilbert says, "But 'now' is a relative term, so use your best judgment in deciding whether I'm here." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . That was actually a creative little message." Dogbert says, "Demonstrating, once again, that subtle difference between creativity and complex stupidity."

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Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff

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Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #asok, #coffee maker, #the boss, #artificial intelligence, #bitcoin, #machine

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Dilbert: I already regret adding artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. It's withholding coffee until we give it a private office. Asok: Stupid machine! Coffee Maker: That'll cost you a bit coin.

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

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Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #coffee machine, #artificial intelligence, #robots, #engineering, #scared

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #inventions, #computers, #program themsleves, #machine intelligence, #destroy civilization, #plan a, #live unhealthy, #lifestyle, #plan b, #techno terrorism

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Dilbert: In a few years, computers will program themselves. That's called singularity. From that point on, machine intelligence will increase exponentially. The resulting shock will probably destroy the fabric of civilization. Plan "A" is to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Plan "B" is techno-terrorism. Boss: I like the first one.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fast forward, #phone, #playing, #time machine, #time travel

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Dilbert: My phone is like a time machine. I can fast-forward through the boring parts of life by playing with it. Dogbert: Hand it over. Time flies when I'm not having fun.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #newspaper, #thief, #machine, #money, #eating

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Dilbert puts a coin in a newspaper machine and thinks, "Sometimes I get this wicked urge to take two newspapers and only pay for one." Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "What's the worst that can happen? Besides, this machine ate my money last time." Dilbert looks at a newspaper. On the front page is a picture of him stealing the newspaper and the headline says, "Thief!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #garbage man, #die, #cloning, #machine, #design, #math, #errors, #Dogbert, #Dilbert

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The garbage man asks Dogbert, "Not much garbage . . . Did somebody die?" Dogbert replies, "Dilbert went to the compost pile in the sky." The garbage man reads a piece of paper and says, "Bad timing . . . Judging from last week's garbage, he had almost finished his cloning machine design. I only notice a few linear math errors." The garbage man continues, "This design would just create a hologram and a bad chile con carne recipe." Dogbert says, "Man, you sure know your garbage!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shredder, #kill, #coffee, #machine, #broke, #rendering, #inattentive, #acted, #alone

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk wearing shredded clothing. Dilbert says, "The shredder tried to kill me." Dilbert continues, "First, the coffee machine broke, rendering me inattentive . . ." The Boss asks, "What are you suggesting?" Dilbert replies, "I don't think the shredder acted alone."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #baby, #pregnancy, #maternity leave, #xerox, #machine, #copies, #deliver, #worker's rights

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Dilbert asks Alice, who is pregnant, "When's the baby due?" Alice replies, "Any minute now." Alice continues, "This company has no maternity leave policy, so I'm going to deliver by the Xerox machine and keep working." Dilbert says to a man, "That doesn't seem fair." The man replies, "Yeah, especially if you need to make copies."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #invented, #auto petter, #machine, #dumbest, #idea

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Dilbert holds a device and says to Dogbert, "I invented an auto-petter machine for you." Dilbert straps the machine to Dogbert's back. The auto-petter has a hand that rests on Dogbert's head. Dogbert says, "This is perhaps your dumbest idea ever." Dilbert starts the device and kneels on the floor in front of Dogbert. Dilbert says, "You like it. Admit it." Dogbert says, "Leave us alone."