Anything Changes Comic Strips
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Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert sits at a computer and talks on the phone. Dogbert says, "I'll need your serial number, which is conveniently located inside the unit. The man on the other end of the phone says, "The sticker says my warranty will be void if I open the case." DOgbert says, "Well, call me if anything changes."
all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.
Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.
Coworker: Did you see my email with all of my recommended changes to your product? Dilbert: Yes. Everything you suggested is a bad idea, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining why. Coworker: Now I hate you. Dilbert: All roads headed in that directions. All I did was take the shortest one.
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk thinking, "I sit here motionless while the Boss reads my report." Dilbert thinks, "I can't talk while he's reading, and I don't have anything of my own to read . . ." The Boss reads the report and thinks, "I wonder how long I can make him sit there feeling uncomfortable?" Dilbert sings to himself, "A hundred bottles of beer on the wall."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've got to make drastic changes to keep up with the competition." The Boss continues, "That's why I've had these little note pads made that say 'quality.'" Dilbert looks at one of the pads and asks, "Isn't it spelled with a 'u?'"
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert enters and says, "I'm testing my theory that good advertising can sell anything." Dogbert continues, "So I asked myself 'What is the thing LEAST desired on earth?'" A woman looks at a billboard with Dilbert's picture on it. The billboard says, "Ladies! Date a Dilbert call 510-803-9338. Quantities are limited." The woman says, "Hmm . . ."
The Boss: "We just had a meeting and decided to change your project substantially." "We didn't invite you to the meeting because things go smoother when nobody has any actual knowledge." Dilbert: "So, what are the changes?" The Boss: "If I remember, I'll leave you a voice mail."
The Boss: "You've got inflation eating you from the bottom...and no real opportunity for a promotion." "And as long as all the other companies are downsizing too, you have no leverage. I can get away with anything!" Dilbert: "I miss the eighties." The Boss: "Does this hurt?"