Search Results for "applicant"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 13

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1993's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #interview, #applicant, #engineer, #standard, #pens, #pencil, #perform, #natural, #fabrics, #carry, #wearing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to interview the job applicant who's coming in today." The Boss continues, "See if he's got what it takes to be an engineer." Dilbert holds out his hand and says to the candidate, "Hi, Karl. We'll start with the standard engineering test." Karl says, "Okey dokey." Dilbert says, "I have thiry-five pens and pencils here. How many are really needed to perform your job?" Karl answers, "All of them." Dilbert says, "Correct . . . Now, what is the proper way to carry them with you?" Karl puts all of the pens and pencils in his shirt pocket. Dilbert says, "Right again. Last question: what is the advantage of wearing natural fabrics?" Karl thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Panic situation." Sweat flies off his forehead and his hair sticks up. He says, "I . . . I don't know." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I was testing your hair. You're an engineer." Karl smiles.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2007's comic on:

Tags #analyzed dna, #most qualified applicant, #willing to work, #has three ears, #snout, #life expectancy of thursday, #new guy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I analyzed the DNA of all of your applicants to find the best fit for the job. The most qualified applicant who is willing to work for you has three ears, a snout, and a life expectancy of Thursday." The Boss: Dilbert, meet the new guy. And do it quickly." cough cough

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2012's comic on:

Tags #anger, #interviews, #job applicant, #second opinion, #jb hoppr, #bunny costume, #17 jobs, #2 years, #red flags, #rage issues, #passionate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need a second opinion on a job applicant. His name is J.B. Hopper. He dresses in a bunny costume and he's had seventeen jobs in two years. Catbert: Are there any red flags? Boss: I can't tell if he's passionate or if he has rage issues.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2010's comic on:

Tags #job interview, #employee, #walk, #coffee cup, #applicant, #phone, #ring, #wake up, #brag

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Interview this applicant and tell me if he's right for our company." Wally says, "Tim, we don't set the bar as high as we used to."<BRWally says, "In our golden days, we insisted on employees who could work tirelessly through the night." Wally says, "As business slowed, we were happy with anyone who put in eight hours a day." Wally says, "then our best people left." Wally says, "Now on cubicles are mostly used for napping." Wally says, "So my question is this: Would a ringing phone wak you up?" Tim says, "Probably." Wally says, "He comes across as a braggart."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2012's comic on:

Tags #interviews, #senior year, #college, #launch start ups, #lifelong learning, #technology certifictae, #relevant to field, #uneducated, #more experience then boss, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Applicant: I skipped my senior year of college to launch my first of three start-ups. I believe in lifelong learning. I have every technology certification relevant to my field. Boss: He's uneducated.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 1996's comic on:

Tags #new sex symbols, #online personals, #tech prowness, #moonlit walks, #must like to dance, #applicants

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch using a laptop and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Men who understand technology are the new sex symbols. Your online personals ad should emphasize your technical prowess." Dilbert asks, "How about 'Looking for woman who likes moonlit walks so I'll have more time alone with my computer'?" Dilbert continues, "And 'Must like to dance.' That's so I won't get a flabby, uncoordinated applicant." Dogbert says, "Don't call them 'applicants' on the first date."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2000's comic on:

Tags #dont pay enough, #hire brilliant people, #web team, #stock options

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 1999's comic on:

Tags #human resources, #job interview, #name, #tubby, #human resources dept, #sent resume, #entrepreneur, #toby, #made up name, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2004's comic on:

Tags #job application, #increase workload, #performance becomes average, #excel

View Transcript

Transcript

Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2012's comic on:

Tags #recessions, #regular interns, #interns intern, #no pay, #semi relevant job experience, #slap you, #no reason, #stupid economy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We don't have any openings for regular interns, but I can offer you a job as an intern to our intern. We won't pay you, of course, but you might acquire an imperceptible amount of semi-relevant job experience. And sometimes we'll slap you for no reason. Applicant: Stupid economy! I'll take it.