Applicant Comic Strips
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Character
13 Results for Applicant
View 1 - 10 results for applicant comic strips. Discover the best "Applicant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday February 14,
1993
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #interview, #applicant, #engineer, #standard, #pens, #pencil, #perform, #natural, #fabrics, #carry, #wearing
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to interview the job applicant who's coming in today." The Boss continues, "See if he's got what it takes to be an engineer." Dilbert holds out his hand and says to the candidate, "Hi, Karl. We'll start with the standard engineering test." Karl says, "Okey dokey." Dilbert says, "I have thiry-five pens and pencils here. How many are really needed to perform your job?" Karl answers, "All of them." Dilbert says, "Correct . . . Now, what is the proper way to carry them with you?" Karl puts all of the pens and pencils in his shirt pocket. Dilbert says, "Right again. Last question: what is the advantage of wearing natural fabrics?" Karl thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Panic situation." Sweat flies off his forehead and his hair sticks up. He says, "I . . . I don't know." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I was testing your hair. You're an engineer." Karl smiles.
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Tuesday January 30,
2007
Tags #analyzed dna, #most qualified applicant, #willing to work, #has three ears, #snout, #life expectancy of thursday, #new guy
Transcript
Dogbert: I analyzed the DNA of all of your applicants to find the best fit for the job. The most qualified applicant who is willing to work for you has three ears, a snout, and a life expectancy of Thursday." The Boss: Dilbert, meet the new guy. And do it quickly." cough cough
Tuesday December 18,
2012
Tags #anger, #interviews, #job applicant, #second opinion, #jb hoppr, #bunny costume, #17 jobs, #2 years, #red flags, #rage issues, #passionate
Transcript
Boss: I need a second opinion on a job applicant. His name is J.B. Hopper. He dresses in a bunny costume and he's had seventeen jobs in two years. Catbert: Are there any red flags? Boss: I can't tell if he's passionate or if he has rage issues.
Sunday September 26,
2010
Tags #job interview, #employee, #walk, #coffee cup, #applicant, #phone, #ring, #wake up, #brag
Transcript
The Boss says, "Interview this applicant and tell me if he's right for our company." Wally says, "Tim, we don't set the bar as high as we used to."<BRWally says, "In our golden days, we insisted on employees who could work tirelessly through the night." Wally says, "As business slowed, we were happy with anyone who put in eight hours a day." Wally says, "then our best people left." Wally says, "Now on cubicles are mostly used for napping." Wally says, "So my question is this: Would a ringing phone wak you up?" Tim says, "Probably." Wally says, "He comes across as a braggart."
Saturday May 19,
2012
Tags #interviews, #senior year, #college, #launch start ups, #lifelong learning, #technology certifictae, #relevant to field, #uneducated, #more experience then boss, #education
Transcript
Applicant: I skipped my senior year of college to launch my first of three start-ups. I believe in lifelong learning. I have every technology certification relevant to my field. Boss: He's uneducated.
Friday November 08,
1996
Tags #new sex symbols, #online personals, #tech prowness, #moonlit walks, #must like to dance, #applicants
Transcript
Dilbert sits on the couch using a laptop and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Men who understand technology are the new sex symbols. Your online personals ad should emphasize your technical prowess." Dilbert asks, "How about 'Looking for woman who likes moonlit walks so I'll have more time alone with my computer'?" Dilbert continues, "And 'Must like to dance.' That's so I won't get a flabby, uncoordinated applicant." Dogbert says, "Don't call them 'applicants' on the first date."
Tuesday March 07,
2000
Tags #dont pay enough, #hire brilliant people, #web team, #stock options
Transcript
An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"
Sunday January 03,
1999
Tags #human resources, #job interview, #name, #tubby, #human resources dept, #sent resume, #entrepreneur, #toby, #made up name, #business
Transcript
Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."
Monday April 05,
2004
Tags #job application, #increase workload, #performance becomes average, #excel
Transcript
Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."
Tuesday August 07,
2012
Tags #recessions, #regular interns, #interns intern, #no pay, #semi relevant job experience, #slap you, #no reason, #stupid economy
Transcript
Boss: We don't have any openings for regular interns, but I can offer you a job as an intern to our intern. We won't pay you, of course, but you might acquire an imperceptible amount of semi-relevant job experience. And sometimes we'll slap you for no reason. Applicant: Stupid economy! I'll take it.