Wally, Dilbert, and The Boss siting at table. The Boss reads from a sheet of paper, "Dangerous asbestos has been found in every room in our building." The Boss continues, "The problem will be addressed using a ... scientific process." Wally, Dilbert, and The Boss sitting at table. The Boss continues, "Something called attrition."
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."
The Boss: The facilities people tell me there's asbestos in the ceiling. They say you don't need to worry about it unless it gets disturbed. They plan to disturb it today.
The Boss: The employees are getting all whiney about the asbestos in the ceiling." "I told them it wasn't dangerous, but apparently I'm not credible in this HazMat suit." "I don't think it's fair that they judge me by my clothes."
Wally: They found asbestos in our ceiling. We're all in danger.
Asok: "I must use my telekinesis to remove the asbestos." "GAAA!" The threat has been neutralized. You must never ask me how it was done."
Wally: I'm not even curious."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I made it through the fire-walking seminar uninjured by wearing asbestos lined socks." Dilbert continues, "People always laughed because I lined my undergarments with asbestos - but who's laughing NOW?" Dogbert asks, "Have you always feared your butt would catch on fire?" Dilbert replies, "It's not the kind of thing you leave to chance."
The caption says, "'Due diligence' before the merger." Alice sits at a table with a man who says, "You must reveal your secrets so my company knows what it's buying." Alice points to some documents in a binder and says, "All of our projects are doomed. Most of the good employees left. Our customers are starting a class action suit . . ." The man says, "At least the building is worth something." Alice points to her throat and says, "If you feel a tickle, that's asbestos."
We ship our new mp3 player in two days. How's the Elbonian factory coming along? "The prototype is the size of a small tractor and it will only play Elbonian polkas." "I'll budget a little extra for marketing." "It's made of asbestos."
Bob, the unluckiest insurance agent.
Bob: Our hazard coverage is second to none!
The Boss: Don't flee down the stairwell.The steps are made of asbestos.
dilbert thinking: looks like it will be another full day of interacting with people i wouldn't pull out of a burning car even if i were made of asbestos. my only hope is to stay busy doing mindless tasks.
dilbert: do you have any mindless tasks for me?
boss: take one from the top of the pile.
