Ashtray As Gift Comic Strips
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Alice and Dilbert sit at a table. Wally stands at the table. Wally says, "Happy Birthday Alice!" Dilbert gives Alice a gift. Wally says, "I was planning to get a gift..." Wally continues, "But then I thought...". Alice takes the gift from Dilbert. Wally says, "Why not give the money to a charity in Alice's name?" Alice asks, "Really? Which charity?" Wally says, "Ummm...'The United Society of Poor People with Major Health Problems'." Alice opens Dilbert's gift. Alice says, "...And Dilbert got me an ashtray even though I don't smoke." Dilbert says, "You don't?" Wally and Dilbert sit at the table. Alice's seat is empty. Alice has left her gift on the table. Wally says, "They say this sort of thing builds team spirit." Dilbert says, "It must be gradual."
Alice: What's up with the ugly sweater? Did you lose a bet? Dilbert: This? Oh, right. It was a gift from my mom. I'm wearing it once in case she asks me later. Alice: Did you know it was hideous before I told you? Dilbert: Maybe.
Dilbert reads a letter that says, "Dear Dilbert, I hope you like this elbow warmer I knitted for you. Love, Aunt Helen." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's an elbow warmer; just a thoughtful little gift from me to you." Dogbert says, "I feel like the lowest creature in the gift chain."
Dogbert asks a butcher, "Do you have cured ham?" The butcher says, "Right here." Dogbert says, "Boy, if that's cured, what does a sick one look like?!" Dogbert walks down the sidewalk and says, "I've always felt a duty to share my gift of mirth with others."
Dogbert leads a man and a woman through the museum. Dogbert says, "'Dogbert's Museum of the Strange and Amazing' is the only place you can find . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . A shirt woven entirely from a single thread of Tazmanian woogat silk." The man says, "It looks like the cheap polyester shirts that I wear." Dogbert says, "In that case, this is the gift shop."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert enters holding a paper bag and says, "I bought some 'Smart Pills' for you. They're made from Chinese herbs." Dogbert continues, "I saw a news story about these . . . And naturally I thought of you." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I've discovered the perfect gift item."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters holding an envelope and says, "I'm collecting money for a gift to a poor family this Christmas." Dilbert opens his wallet and asks, "What are you buying them?" Wally replies, "A CD player." Dilbert says, "Thank you for making this the most shallow gesture of my life." Wally says, "I'll add your name to the card."
Dogbert looks at a present under the Christmas tree and thinks, "I can't believe he only got ONE gift for me. This is an outrage." Dogbert thinks, "And he already told me it's a hat. A great dog like me, and he buys a hat?" A man at the Humane Society says into a telephone, "There's nothing we can do . . . Unless it has a matching sweater . . ."
Ratbert: I wish I were smart like you. Then Id get some respect. GarbageMAN: We're all smart in different ways, Your special gift may be creativity, a talent , or even the ability to love. Ratbert: I can burp my cheeks full ...urp. Garbage Man: Id go with that If I were you.
At lunch, Dilbert says to Wally, "I don't know what kind of gift to buy for Ted's baby shower." Wally responds, "Hand-crafted items are good. Cut three holes in a paper bag and you've got a lovely baby dress." Dilbert says, "He might think I'm cheap." Wally holds up the table's salt shaker and asks, "Do you think the kid has a salt shaker yet?"