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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 1996's comic on:

Tags #ask applicants sone questions, #see how think, #five gallon, #bucket, #holds water, #job interview

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Dilbert sits at a table with a man. Dilbert says, "We like to ask our applicants some questions that will allow us to see how you think." Dilbert asks, "If you have a five-gallon bucket and a fifty-gallon bucket, how can you tell which one holds more water?" The man beats his head with his fists and says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Dilbert says, "When I said, 'See how you think,' what I meant was . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2011's comic on:

Tags #questioning, #shopping, #hardware, #powerpoint deck, #boss, #ambiguity, #mumbling, #change subject, #badger for answer, #too many questions

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Dilbert: Can you look at this bid and let me know if I can order the hardware? Boss: yes. Dilbert: Are you saying yes I can order the hardware, or yes you'll look at it? Boss: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: What? Boss: I need your input on my Powerpoint deck. Dilbert: So far, in response to my request, you've given me ambiguity, mumbling, and a change of subject. Would you prefer that I badger you for an answer until you get angry, or should I return to my cubicle and resume being ineffective? Boss: You ask too many questions.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #friend, #service, #questions, #accidentally, #borrowed, #tool, #lethal, #trap, #qualified, #sea monkeys

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The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service." A man says, "I'd like to find a friend." Dogbert says, "Have a seat." Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you." Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap." The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap." Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last." Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys." The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1999's comic on:

Tags #dogberts tech support, #many questions, #phone, #understand technology, #bounce around

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Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert sits at a computer and speaks on the phone. Dogbert says, "First I need to ask you many questions." Dogbert says, "Then I will transfer you to someone who will ask you the same questions again." Dogbert says, "We do this to remove any hope you might have had that we understand technology."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2003's comic on:

Tags #toxic tom, #new coworker, #potatoe, #too many questions

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The Boss introduces a new employee to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet your new co- worker, Toxic Tom." The Boss continues, "He complained about his last job all through his interview. But he'll be happy here." Once The Boss is gone, Toxic Tom says to Dilbert, "He says he thinks you're stupid because you ask too many questions."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2007's comic on:

Tags #sales questions, #vice presdient, #talk to boss, #questions, #confusion, #chaos, #time management

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Wally: "Where do you think you're going?" Asok: "I need to ask our VP of sales a question." Wally: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" "You can't speak directly with a vice president." "You need to talk to your boss, who talks to his boss, who talks to someone who is friends with the VP of sales, who then talks to him." Asok: "Wouldn't that virtually guarantee that the wrong question gets asked?" Wally: "It's better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right questions." Asok: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Talk to my secretary."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2013's comic on:

Tags #executives, #snobbishness, #ceo visitis, #questions, #ceo, #special treatment

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Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2004's comic on:

Tags #morons on parade, #magazine, #cover story, #writer, #interview

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Dogbert: I'm a writer for 'Morons on Parade' magazine. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? The Boss: okay...but only if you promise to not make me look bad. Dogbert: cover story!!! Woo-Hoo!!! The boss: Really?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2010's comic on:

Tags #training, #new software, #trick, #hire, #job opening, #interview, #technical expert, #provide

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Dilbert says, "I need training to use our new software." The Boss says, "Pretend we have a job opening for a technical expert in that field. Then ask applicants how they would do whatever it is that you need to do." Man says, "Does you company provide training?" Dilbert says, "'Provide' is a strong word."

Not That Invested In Your Success

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Not That Invested In Your Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2015's comic on:

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #communication, #excuse, #excuses

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Wally: I made no progress on your project because I was waiting to ask you some questions. Coworker: You could have emailed me. Or texted me. Or stopped by my desk. Wally: I"m not that invested in your success.