Asks Customer Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Asks Customer
View 1 - 10 results for asks customer comic strips. Discover the best "Asks Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 12,
2007
Tags #tech support, #asks customer, #information, #transfers call, #same questions, #barrier to progress, #other guy
Transcript
The Boss: "Asok, I need you to fill in at tech support for a few days." "You'll be the guy who asks the customer for information, then transfers the call to another person who asks exactly the same questions." Asok: "Wouldn't that make me a barrier to progress?" " The Boss: Only if the other guy actually helped."
Wednesday October 24,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #rambling, #questions, #focus, #johnson, #fetch, #stick, #achieve, #sacrificing, #customer, #the boss
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and another employee sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, the staff meeting is over. Does anybody have any meaningless rambling questions? Johnson?" Johnson asks, "How can we work as a team to achieve total quality without sacrificing customer focus?" The Boss asks, "How many people would like to see me make Johnson fetch this stick?" Everyone raises their hands.
Friday October 25,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #customers, #consultant, #tom peters, #follows, #around, #passionate, #criticism, #splitter, #customer
Transcript
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We've got to focus more on the needs of our customers." The Boss points to a man standing next to him and says, "I've hired famous business consultant Tom Peters to follow you around and make passionate criticism." Tom stands behind Dilbert while he works. Tom waves his arms as he asks, "Is this quality? Are you truly focused on the customer?" Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . He's a spitter."
Wednesday December 13,
1995
Tags #modem, #not right, #wrong interface, #commission, #pays dollar, #per customer
Transcript
Dilbert reaches for a modem in a computer store. A man says, "No, you fool. That modem will never fit your need." Dilbert reads the box and thinks, "The specs look okay." The man yells, "You're an idiot compared to me! Put that down! It's the wrong interface! The WRONG interface!!!" As Dilbert hands the modem to a salesclerk at the cash register, the man clutches Dilbert's shirt and growls. Dilbert asks the clerk, "Is he on commission?" She answers, "Yeah, he pays us a dollar a customer."
Wednesday July 10,
1996
Tags #engineer up, #management support, #meeting, #boss ego, #master at work, #promised customer, #full management support, #sales meeting, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"
Sunday August 06,
1995
Tags #boss evil, #entity from another dimension, #synergies, #win win solution, #delight every customer, #new internet access, #tour of cubicles
Transcript
Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist asks, "When did you start believing that your boss was an evil entity from another dimension?" Dilbert imagines the Boss telling him, "I'd like to sit in on your customer meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss, Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let me share the high level strategic view." Dilbert thinks, "Here we go." The Boss spreads his arms and says, "Life began in the primordial stew literally hundreds of years ago . . ." The Boss continues, "But we are the only company who ever found synergies in our win-win solutions!" The caption says, "Two hours later." The Boss says, "And we won't sop until we delight every customer!" The woman looks shocked and Dilbert covers his eyes. The customer says, "I'd be delighted if you just told me about your new Internet access product." The Boss replies, "I cancelled the funding yesterday." The Boss stands up and says, "Who's up for a tour of our cubicles?" Dilbert says, "Gotta go."
Sunday May 24,
1998
Tags #new customer, #top 5 compnaies, #low price, #high margins
Transcript
An employee comes into the Boss' office with a man and says, "I'd like you to meet our newest customer." The Boss says, "You won't be sorry; we're one of the top five companies in this field." The customer turns to the employee and says, "I thought you said no one else makes this kind of product." The Boss interjects, "No one else makes one with so few features." The employee grimaces as the customer asks, "So...your strategy is low price, right?" The Boss replies, "No, high margins!" The customer grabs the employee by the collar and begins to choke him, screaming, "YOU!!" The employee's feet are propped up on the Boss' desk as the Boss thinks to himself, "I'd better ask someone what a 'margin' is."
Tuesday May 08,
2001
Tags #impersonate dead customer, #large purchases, #work, #acting
Transcript
The Boss hands a black briefcase to Wally. He says, "You'll impersonate our dead customer and make large purchases from us." Wally looks down at the briefcase and says, "I've never done anything like this before." The Boss replies, "It's called 'work.'" Wally walks away, continuing to hold the briefcase. He asks, "Am I doing it right?"
Tuesday August 14,
2001
Tags #customer service, #serial number, #pulverizing case, #hammer, #void warranty
Transcript
Headline: Customer Service. Dogbert is sitting at his desk, talking into a telephone headset. He says, "Find the serial number by pulverizing the case with a hammer." The man on the other end of the line is holding a hammer above a radio. He asks, "Are you sure this won't void my warranty?" Dogbert replies, "It's not always about you."
Friday August 31,
2001
Tags #parts department, #give parts away, #vicious cycle, #reordering, #brief customer survey, #fill out
Transcript
Dilbert is at a parts store. The man behind the counter says, "We don't give out parts anymore." The man continues, "We're trying to end the vicious cycle of reordering." The man then asks, "Would you mind filling out a brief survey of customer satisfaction?"