Assigned Same Project Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

981 Results for Assigned Same Project

View 1 - 10 results for assigned same project comic strips. Discover the best "Assigned Same Project" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #assigned same project, #discovered, #one month agao, #50% chance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We just discovered that you assigned the same project to both of us a month ago. The Boss: Sometimes I do that when I think neither of you has more than a 50% chance of doing something right. Asok: Hey, I just discovered something. The Boss: Or 33.3%"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #contribution to revenue, #project would fail, #attributed, #same project, #equally valuable

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another worker sit at a conference table. The Boss holds a document and says, "You should all follow Wally's example of how he quantifies his contribution to revenue." Wally explains, "Basically, I assumed my project would fail without me. Therefore all the revenue it generates can be attributed to me." The other worker asks, "Aren't we all on the same project?" Wally answers, "Yes, but evidently we're not all equally valuable."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #presentation, #tomorrow, #status, #project, #review, #yesterday, #analytical, #stuff

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Dilbert, do a presentation for the big boss tomorrow morning on the status of your project." Dilbert replies, "There isn't any status. You only assigned the project an hour ago." The Boss says, "Well then, do a presentation on why there's no status." Dilbert replies, "I don't have time before tomorrow morning." The Boss says, "Okay, then just do a presentation on why there's no time to do a presentation of the status." The Boss adds, "And I want to review it two days before you present it." Dilbert replies, "That would be yesterday." Dilbert asks, "Should I do a presentation on why tomorrow is less than two days from today?" The Boss replies, "Hmm . . . good. The boss likes that analytical stuff."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #approved vendor list, #boss, #no one relaible, #reliable

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have the approved vendor list?" Secretary: Hmmm, Alice and Asok asked for that list too Are you one of three people assigned to the same project because your boss believes none of you are reliable?" " Dilbert: Maybe. Secretay: Hmmm, and you're the last one to ask for the list.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #stealth layoff, #evil director, #human resources, #worthless employees, #job no longer exists, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I call it a stealth layoff." "We move all of the worthless employees to the same project. When it's done, we tell them that their jobs no longer exist." "I don't like the look of this."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1994's comic on:


Tags #combines two projects, #not the same, #boss doesn't undertsnd, #too late, #logical solition, #eliminate your project, #resourceful idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I just had my annual meeting with our Vice President." "We decided to combine your project with Project 'Bigfoot' because they're basically the same." Dilbert: "They're not the same! It only seems like it to you because you don't understand either project!" "Oh, well. It's too late to do anything. I told him they were the same." Dilbert: "Just call him and say you were wrong." The Boss: "I can see why you're not in management." "The logical solution is to wait for the next budget cut and eliminate your project, thus solving two problems." Dilbert: "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #without input, #lied to me, #skipped that step, #already assigned blame, #for failure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Alice are seated together at a table when the Boss walks up and hands Dilbert a piece of paper. He says to Dilbert, "I finished the project plan without your input." As Dilbert reads the paper, the Boss goes on to say, "You would have lied to me anyway, so I just skipped that step." The Boss sits at the table with Dilbert and Alice and says, "I've already assigned blame for failure, but don't worry, it's just preliminary."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #couldn't be worse, #bad idea, #Funny, #project is bad idea, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How's everything going?" Dilbert says, "It couldn't be worse." Dilbert says, "I was the only person who said this project is a bad idea. Then you assigned it to me." The Boss says, "It's funnier when I make them say it." Dilbert says, "Grrrr"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #project, #assigned, #maintain status quo, #everybody likes project, #not enough funding

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm assigning you to 'The Project That Wouldn't Die.'" The Boss continues, "Everybody likes this project too much to cancel it, but not enough to fund it properly." Dilbert puts his hands over his eyes and says, "Aaarg!!" The Boss continues, "Now go out there and maintain the status quo!" Dilbert says, "You really shouldn't mix honesty with your motivational speeches."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1995's comic on:


Tags #terrible news, #valuable porject, #three morons, #assigned, #crush them, #carl, #nothing valauable, #shoo shoo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on the couch with his knees bent and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert says, "Terrible news: my boss assigned me to a fun and valuable project." Dogbert says, "Uh-oh. That means at least three morons will be assigned to similar projects. You must find them and crush them . . ." Dilbert says, "Exactly." Back at the office, Dilbert enters a co-worker's cubicle and says, "Carl, old buddy, whatcha workin' on these days?" Carl waves his hands and says, "Nothing fun and valuable. Shoo shoo!!"