Attach Sensors Comic Strips
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27 Results for Attach Sensors
View 1 - 10 results for attach sensors comic strips. Discover the best "Attach Sensors" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday June 21,
2008
Tags #monitor actions, #cameras, #strapped to head, #non work related, #attach sensors, #track thoughts, #engineers, #lab assistant
Transcript
Catbert says, "We monitor all of your actions, but we suspect you are still doing non-work-related thinking." Catbert says, "My lab assistant Trixie will attach sensors to your head and track all of your thoughts." The computer screen says, "Mmm... Trixie, wear this while you wash my electric car." Trixie thinks, "Engineers."
Saturday July 21,
2012
Tags #computer software, #inventions, #3d network, #motion sensors, #sneezed, #merged network, #15th of cisco
Transcript
In the near future Wally: I was manipulating a 3-D network model using my hand motion sensors. It was all good until I sneezed and accidentally merged my network design with my outlook calendar. Boss: When will you have that fixed? Wally: I should be done by... the 15th of Cisco.
Friday October 30,
1998
Tags #dogcart the consultant, #invisible robot, #empty box, #train support staff, #customers house, #sensors
Transcript
Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert stands on a conference table. Dogbert says, "Some customers might complain that the invisible robot they bought from us.." Dogbert says, to Wally and Dilbert, "...is nothing but an empty box.. I will train our support staff to handle those calls." Caption: "Customer's House" A customer talks on the phone in his living room, near an empty cardboard box. He is terrified. The voice on the other end of the phone says, "According to our sensors, he's in your house... and he's watching you."
Thursday May 20,
1999
Tags #almost back, #date, #attach tracking device, #run down alley, #leaves, #different opinions
Transcript
Dilbert walks along the sidewalk with a date. She says, "Well, we're almost back to my place." She says, "Thanks for the date. I can make it from here." Dilbert reaches out and thinks, "I'd better attach the tracking device." She thinks, "I'll run down that alley and hide until he leaves."
Tuesday March 19,
2002
Tags #consciousness, #ability to predict, #results of actions, #fully conscious, #array of sensors, #collect data
Transcript
Dilbert is walking with a woman. He says, "My theory is that consciousness is the ability to predict and then observe the results of actions." Dilbert continues, "So I think you could build a computer that would be fully conscious." The woman falls asleep. Dilbert carries the woman over his shoulder. He continues, "Obviously you'd need an array of sensors to collect the data."
Saturday October 16,
2004
Tags #break even, #kudos, #motion sensors, #break room, #calculate energy
Transcript
The Boss: Kudos to Ted for his suggestion to put motion sensors on the lights in the break room. Dilbert: Hold it! I calculate that the energy savings are offset by the lost productivity of the meeting. The Boss: We have to burn the plaque for heat just to break even.
Thursday December 22,
2005
Tags #cable, #doesn't attach, #create demand, #young people dancing, #budget cuts
Transcript
Our new product is a cable that doesn't attach to anything. "We hope to create demand via a series of commercials showing young people dancing." "And then we'll all go straight to hell." "He didn't take the last round of budget cuts well."
Wednesday January 23,
2013
Tags #gadgets, #tablet computer, #dime sized computer, #lick it, #attach to eyeballs, #fail, #fast fail, #finish in month
Transcript
CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.
Wednesday August 29,
2007
Tags #evil director, #human resources, #happy things, #working, #sensors, #alert management, #pleasure areas brain, #blood flow, #happier not knowing, #business
Transcript
Catbert: evil director of human resources Catbert: "Some of you have been thinking about happy things when you should be working." "These sensors will alert management any time the pleasure areas of your brain have more blood flow." "I was happier not knowing." ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Saturday October 18,
2014
Tags #deception, #laziness, #productivity, #work ethic, #sensors detect, #cubicle, #engineering, #problem, #five years, #robot, #boss, #temporary boss
Transcript
Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: My sensors detect no work coming from this cubicle. Wally: That's because I have been working on an engineering problem in my head for five years. Robot: Are you almost done? Wally: I was, but you just made me forget all of it.