Avoiding It Comic Strips
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View 1 - 10 results for avoiding it comic strips. Discover the best "Avoiding It" comics from Dilbert.com.
The strip is titled, "Women's guide to avoiding Dilbert." The caption says, "Wear stereo headphones, look straight ahead and outrun him." Dilbert chases a jogger asking, "What's your name?" The woman ignores him. The caption says, "Comb your hair over your face to avoid accidental eye contact." Dilbert waves his hands at a woman but her hair covers her eyes. The caption says, "Travel in groups and make it clear you will dissect any man." A woman tells three other women, "I've noticed that all men have B.O. (body odor)." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "Drive to and from secret destinations in fast cars." Dilbert watches a woman drive by in a sports car. He thinks, "I wonder where she lives?" The caption says, "Mention a boyfriend in every sentence." Dilbert says, "Nice weather." The woman replies, "My boyfriend likes weather." The caption says, "Never attend a ladies' night activity." Dilbert stands in a bar with three other men. He thinks, "No women . . . I wonder what tipped them off." The caption says, "Never give out your real phone number." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "This only has three digits." The woman says, "Everybody knows me there."
Dilbert reclines in his chair and hums. Alice asks him, "Why aren't you slaving away, preparing for the executive review board meeting?" Dilbert replies, "I have the male 'work avoidance chromosome.' I can detect unnecessary work, thereby avoiding it." Alice says angrily, "We ALL have to be ready to present something!" Wally peers over the cubicle wall and say, "Could you hold it down? I'm trying to sleep."
Boss: When I asked for your goals for the coming year, I had something different in mind. Not "work as little as possible while avoiding the wrath of the pointy-haired troll." Wally: Don't call them my goals if you mean your goals.
Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with a man from marketing. The man says, "You engineers have done NOTHING on my project. You just keep saying I haven't given you sufficient requirements!" The man throws his arms up in frustration and says, "I don't know what else you need and you won't tell me what you need!! Is this just your way of avoiding work??!" Wally replies, "I'll bet you regret choosing marketing as a career path." Dilbert adds, "It looks like a lot of work."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert works on a laptop and says to Dogbert, "I have to submit my project for a 'quality' award. I'll need your help on the dishonest parts." Dilbert continues, "The real story is that the project lost its budget because its acronym was similar to a project that was canceled." Dogbert says, "Assume your project would have failed and claim the savings from avoiding it." Dilbert says, "You're spooky."
A woman walking down the sidewalk drops something. Dilbert bends over to pick it up and says, "Excuse me, miss!" The woman turns around and thinks, "Uh oh . . ." Dilbert says, "You dropped this little book titled 'Attractive Women's Secret Guide to Avoiding Dilbert.'" Dilbert says, "Wait a minute! I KNEW there had to be some kind of conspiracy!!" Dilbert opens the book and says, "If I can break this code, it will cripple their entire operation!" The woman shouts into a walkie talkie, "Mayday!!! Mayday!!!" Dilbert points at the woman and says, "Dogbert, sic!!!" Dogbert replies, "Sick? No, but my nose is a bit dry . . ."
Catbert reads from a paper to the Boss. "There are several mandatory classes for managers." Catbert reads, "Avoiding contact with subordinates, Misplacing important documents, The joy of listening to your own voice." Catbert says, "Have you taken the prerequisite class in time management?" The Boss says, "Twice."
Company Economist Man says, "The economy will either recover ot not." Man says, "Unless time itself is an illusion, in which case all matter is either stationary or imagined." Man says, "I'd take questions, but I'm not entirely sure you're real."