Search Results for "bad jokes"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 652

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2013's comic on:

Tags #dating, #frustration, #relations between the sexes, #modern world, #purpose of men, #money, #bad jokes, #faltulence, #useless men, #pondering on importance, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.

Alice's Off Color Jokes

Thank you for voting.
Alice's Off Color Jokes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2015's comic on:

Tags #joke, #jokes, #joking, #assume, #assumptions, #offensive

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I'm uncomfortable with the off-color jokes I keep hearing in the engineering department. Boss: I'll talk to the guys and tell them to knock it off. Tina: Guys? Alice: Stop being babies. My jokes do not hurt your ears! Dilbert and Asok: It burns!

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2011's comic on:

Tags #appeal, #bad person, #business ethics, #comparison shopping, #guilt, #molt, #prevents competitors, #raising prices

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our products only appeal to people who aren't good at comparison shopping. But I justify it because our existence prevents competitors from raising prices. Am I a bad person? Dogbert: I molt a little bit every time you talk.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2011's comic on:

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #seven layers of management, #lead company, #unknowingly, #bad idea, #input to avoid, #ceo, #middle management

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2011's comic on:

Tags #fraternization, #joking, #agenda, #know anything, #important he is, #like his jokes, #late for dinner, #jokes, #table, #meeting, #laughter, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #couldn't be worse, #bad idea, #Funny, #project is bad idea, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How's everything going?" Dilbert says, "It couldn't be worse." Dilbert says, "I was the only person who said this project is a bad idea. Then you assigned it to me." The Boss says, "It's funnier when I make them say it." Dilbert says, "Grrrr"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2011's comic on:

Tags #bad time, #governments unemployment stats, #look for job, #managers & supervisors, #new job, #employment, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "The government's new unemployment statistics are out." The Boss says, "It's still a bad time to look for a job." Dilbert says, "Yeah. I got that."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2011's comic on:

Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #proactive, #send email, #bad time management, #creating illuson, #sarcasm, #crazy boss, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2011's comic on:

Tags #gloating, #bad winner, #office, #co workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: do you remember six months ago when I told you you were wrong? EEE-YORE! EEE-YORE! EEE-YORE! I just realized Im a bad winner.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2011's comic on:

Tags #fraternization, #bad haircut, #poor font choice, #hand sanitizer, #substance over style

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?