Bandwidth Comic Strips

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9 Results for Bandwidth

View 1 - 9 results for bandwidth comic strips. Discover the best "Bandwidth" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bandwidth, #budget, #double click, #engineer for week, #interface, #ping director, #scope, #batch mode

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The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Let's ping the director of marketing and double-click on the budget." The Boss continues, "Then we can interface in batch mode and put a scope on his bandwidth." Alice cringes and exclaims, "Please stop doing that!" The Boss adds, "Have I mentioned that I was an engineer for a week?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #dogbert consultsincentivize the resources, #grow bandwidth, #end state vision, #kimono, #consult and blabbery, #core competencies, #brain dump

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Dogbert consults. Incentivize the resources to grow within their bandwidth to your end-state vision. "Don't open the Kimono until you ping the change agent for brain dump and drill down to your core competencies." "Confused look...huge invoice...this man is a victim of consult and blabbery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #focusing on bandwidth, #organic growth, #table an issue, #sudebar, #managing expectations, #ducks in a row, #no project

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The Boss: "Wally, what's the status of your project?" Wally: "Deep breath.. clear my mind..." "I've been focusing my bandwidth on organic growth." "I'm getting lots of push-back, so I'm taking the discussions offline." "But sometimes I table an issue or handle it in a side bar." "Now I have my ducks in a row. The deal-breakers are on the back burner, and I'm managing expectations." The Boss: "Okay... keep up the good work." Dilbert: "Wally, you don't have a project." "What? Then why am I so tired?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #comic book, #adventure of boron, #most boring man, #ego, #boron, #slays marketing dept, #engineers, #respect in society, #transfer mode technology

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"What are you drawing, Dogbert? "I'm creating a comic book called, 'The Adventures of Boron'." "'The most boring man in the entire Universe'." "Boron looks like me." "Geez, what an ego you have." "In chapter one, Boron slays the entire marketing department by explaining asynchronous protocols." "I think it's high time we engineers got a little respect in this society!" "Furthermore, there are many advantages to asynchronous transfer mode switch technology!" "First, there's bandwidth..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2006's comic on:


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The Mildly Retarded Consultant "You'll have to drink from the firehose unless..." "...You drill down and check the dashboard to see why the bloatware bubbled up from the bake-off." "Does that mean anything?" "Don't ping my cheese with your bandwidth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2007's comic on:


Tags #amortize the depreciation, #energency hoagie, #quality of decions, #too hungry, #quality of decisons, #hunger pangs, #effect thinking

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My diet is making me too hungry to listen. I hope that doesn't affect the quality of my decisions. "Amortize the depreciation over the bandwidth of the discount rate." "Don't ask him for anything today." "I brought an emergency hoagie."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #dismissal email foloowed, #found pen, #human resources, #layoffs, #mass email sent, #missed bid deadline, #not enough bandwidth, #business

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Carol is sitting at her desk. She picks up a pen and thinks, "Who left their pen at my desk?" Carol continues to think, "I'd better send out a companywide e-mail to find out." A coworker responds to Carol's e-mail, "I can't believe you're wasting everyone's time with this!" Alice types, "Stop using the 'reply to all' feature you morons!" Carol looks down at the pen again and thinks, "Wait.. I think this might be my pen. I'd better send a correction." Dilbert sits across from the Boss. Dilbert says, "We missed a bid deadline because our e-mail system was overloaded." The Boss thinks, "Layoffs." The Boss hands Carol a piece of paper and says, "Send this list to Human Resources." Carol exclaims, "Do I look like I'm made of time?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #techspeak, #nonsense, #bluff, #deception, #conversation, #language

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Boss: Wally, did you Uberize the slide deck? Wally: I harmonized it in the cloud. Boss: Are we ready for a trans-domain kick-off? Wally: I put a disruptive mesh network in the microservices of the Internet of things. Boss: Will that be good enough to "ask the fridge" or do I need to start disintermediating? Wally: It depends on if we have enough bandwidth to growth-hack the analytics. Boss: I just hope our clicks-and-mortar strategy staircases. Dilbert: I'm almost certain that was nonsense. Wally: Sometimes it's about the journey.

Network Is Slow

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Network Is Slow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bandwidth, #network, #speed, #nsfw, #videos, #internet, #technology

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Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.