Banking Business Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Banking Business
View 1 - 10 results for banking business comic strips. Discover the best "Banking Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday December 15,
2004
Tags #poison waffles, #stock, #insider trading, #conflicts of interest, #worthwhile, #banking business
Transcript
"I'll recommend your stock to the public, but first I need some conflicts of interest to make it worthwhile." "For example, I'll need to get your investment banking business." "Okay." "And you need to merge with my other client that makes poison waffles." "Okay."
Tuesday January 30,
2001
Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels
Transcript
Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot
Wednesday October 09,
2002
Tags #rat hole, #business plan, #pay huge investment fees, #money losing, #take your money, #push in hole
Transcript
Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."
Thursday August 19,
2010
Tags #dogbertland, #tax, #garbage, #trash, #ocean, #texas, #king, #banking system
Transcript
The Boss says, "We're reincorporating in Dogbertland for tax reasons." Dilbert says, "Where?" The Boss says, "It's a floating patch of garbage in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas." In Dogbertland Ratbert says, "How's the banking system?" Fly says, "Business is booming, King Ratbert."
Tuesday February 03,
2015
The Evil Robot Business
Tags #business ethics, #ceo, #evil, #executives, #robot, #sell robots, #manipulate owners, #titanium bolts
Transcript
Pointy-Haired Boss Becomes CEO. Boss: We're going into the evil robot business. We'll sell robots that psychologically manipulate their owners into buying unnecessary upgrades. Evil Robot: Your neighbor got titanium bolts for his robot. I guess that's what winners do. But your way is good, too.
Friday March 04,
2016
Business Plan History
Tags #business plan, #futile, #futility, #goal, #guest artist, #logic, #plan, #john glynn
Transcript
Boss: Before we make our business plan for the coming year, let's see how well we stayed on plan last year. We ended up doing nothing that was in our plan, just like every year. Dilbert: Why do't' we skip it this year? Boss: It would be irrational to have no plan.
Tuesday July 31,
2018
Wife Starts A Business
Tags #entrepreneur, #business, #divorce, #marriage, #assumption, #small business, #relationships
Transcript
Boss: My wife is starting her own business. Carol: I'm sorry to hear that. How many years have you been married? Boss: She's not leaving me. She's starting a business. Carol: Right. Don't talk about Phase 2. Got it.
Monday October 28,
2019
Business Agility Influencer
Tags #office workers, #business, #agility, #solution, #meaningless, #useless
Transcript
ted: hi, i'm a business agility influencer and solutionist wally: i don't think that means anything ted: why are you the first person to spot that? wally: because i'm useless too!
Wednesday September 23,
2020
Business Lying
Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #lying, #context, #important, #acceptable, #sick, #sarcasm, #face mask
Transcript
tina: is it lying if i leave out important context from my project updates? dogbert: that's called "business lying" and it is totally acceptable. tina: but it makes me feel sick. dogbert: that's how you know you are doing it right.
Wednesday May 04,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #saving & investment, #intentional billing errors, #honest mistakes, #maintain bonuses, #pipelien, #new errors, #pension algorythm, #money
Transcript
Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.