Batch Of Flowers Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

20 Results for Batch Of Flowers

View 1 - 10 results for batch of flowers comic strips. Discover the best "Batch Of Flowers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #built a spreadsheet, #relative qualities, #twenty percent, #stop dating, #wrong formula, #higher math skills, #error intentional, #batch of flowers

View Transcript

Transcript

Liz sits at her computer and Dilbert looks over her shoulder. Liz says, "I built a spreadsheet to compare our relative qualities. I'm afraid I'm twenty percent too good for you. We must stop dating." Dilbert points at the screen and says, "NO! Look, Liz, you have the wrong formula in this column! That must mean I have higher math skills than you! We're almost even!" After Dilbert leaves, Liz sits at her computer and Dogbert sits on her printer. Dogbert says to Liz, "You left that error in there intentionally." Liz answers, "My last batch of flowers is wilting."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #operating, #manual, #buying, #flowers, #opening, #doors, #money, #woman, #Women, #dating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Would you like to see my operating manual?" Dilbert asks, "Operating manual?" The woman explains, "It's an aid to men. It covers everything from 'buying flowers' to 'opening doors.'" Dilbert reads the manual and says, "Looks like you're due to have your jewelry rotated." The woman replies, "Every thirty days. Saves money in the long run."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #judy, #dog, #blind, #dates, #fetching, #flowers, #woman

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert holds a bouquet of flowers as he rings a doorbell and thinks, "I'm always nervous on blind dates." A dog in a dress answers the door and says, "Hi, I'm Judy! You must be Dilbert." Dilbert says, "Hi . . ." Judy asks, "How do I look?" Dilbert replies, "Um . . . fetching."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #flowers, #woman, #non-refundable, #date, #deposit, #diskette, #dating, #history, #personal, #references, #financial, #disclosure, #rejection, #notice, #verbal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands a woman flowers and says, "Here are the flowers and the non-refundable date deposit." Dilbert hands the woman a diskette and says, "This diskette has my dating history, personal references and full financial disclosure." Dilbert asks, "When may I expect the rejection notice?" The woman replies, "I can give you a verbal now . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #programmed, #computer, #analyze, #situation, #predict, #female, #response, #sad, #movie, #date, #receive flowers, #corner it

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed my computer to analyze any situation and predict the female response." Dilbert continues, "This should clarify a few things." Dilbert continues, "I'll type in 'watch sad movie.'" Dilbert says, "Result: crying." Dilbert says, "Now I'll try 'receive flowers.' Result: crying." Dilbert says, "Let's try 'date with Dilbert.' Result: crying." Dogbert says, "Boy, the truth gets vicious when you corner it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #late, #date, #ellen, #shampoo, #carpets, #Crossword, #puzzle, #attractive, #superiority, #complete, #disregard, #ugly, #adorable, #face, #stunned, #stupor, #flowers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant by himself. He looks at his watch and says, "She's an hour late." A woman approaches the table. Dilbert says, "Hi, Ellen. Didn't we agree on seven?" Ellen replies, "Hi, Dilbert." Ellen says, "I was ready on time but I decided to shampoo my carpets." Ellen continues, "Then I got involved in a crossword puzzle." Ellen explains, "This is how attractive people assert their superiority over the rest of you." Ellen continues, "Don't take it personally. I have a complete disregard for the feelings of all ugly people." Ellen continues, "I'll make this adorable face and you'll go into a stunned-ugly-guy stupor and forget the whole thing." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . What were we talking about?" Ellen says, "You were explaining why you didn't bring me any flowers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advanced material, #designing at work, #good batch, #pyrophoric mean

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Liz sit at a table looking at various containers. Liz says, "These are some of the advanced materials I'm designing at work. That jar holds a pyrophoric substance." Dilbert picks it up and says, "Let's see." The jar explodes in his face. Dilbert looks charred and small clouds of smoke rise from his head. He says, "Yep, that's a good batch." Liz says, "A person from a smarter gender might have said 'What does "pyrophoric" mean?'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #economic success, #stock price, #fire batch, #incompetence, #lying customers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You employees are the key to our economic success." The Boss explains, "Anytime we need a little stock-price boost, we just fire another batch of you. It's like printing money!" The Boss holds up a chart and says, "In fact, 'incompetence' has become our most profitable product." Alice says, "Wow. It beat out 'lying to customers.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #free thursday, #surprise party, #flowers, #Card, #snowballed, #good taste, #karaoke

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol, the Boss's secretary, is taking wirting in a note pad. She says to Wally, "Are you free on Thursday for Ted's surprise party?" Wally says, "Party? You don't give a party for someone who has a death in the family." Carol says, "Well... we got him a card, then flowers. It just snowballed." Wally says, "I assume this will all be in good taste." Carol says, "I can't promise that. Karaoke is really hit or miss."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bandwidth, #budget, #double click, #engineer for week, #interface, #ping director, #scope, #batch mode

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Let's ping the director of marketing and double-click on the budget." The Boss continues, "Then we can interface in batch mode and put a scope on his bandwidth." Alice cringes and exclaims, "Please stop doing that!" The Boss adds, "Have I mentioned that I was an engineer for a week?"