Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says, "Marriage Counselor." A man and a woman sit across from him. Dogbert continues, "I recommend massive plastic surgery for both of you . . . And your personalities are bad, too; pretend to be other people." The man or the woman asks, "Should we try to communicate more?" Dogbert replies, "No, that's just begging for trouble."
Man: If you keep saying the coronavirus is a hoax. You are practically begging the universe to infect you.
CEO: Don't be so superstitious. That's not how anything works, you moron. Cough cough.
Man: No, karma! Not me!
Dilbert: Um... may I ask one... Man: Blah, blah, blah, blah... Dilbert: I'm begging you. Let me ask... Man: Blah, blah, blah, blah... Boss: You need to participate more in meetings.
A voice is asking the new CEO, who looks like the devil, "...From a value-based management perspective it's clear..." The voice is Tim who continues, "...That the training department's return exceeds the cost of capital... So please don't kill me." As Tim, barely in the panel is clearly off his feet, being tossed around, the boss says to Dilbert, "Okay, you're next... and begging doesn't work."
Ted, who has the letter 'E' painted on his chest, says to The Boss, "Catbert says I have to get a new job within the company." Ted says, "Could you find it within your heart..." The Boss, reaching for a heart on his desk, says, "I'll check." Ted watches as The Boss looks at the heart. The Boss says, "Nope. No jobs in there."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Tina approaches and says, "I'm signing up people for the mandatory mouse training club." Tina continues, "I see you're using a Western grip. That's just begging for carpal tunnel." Tina grabs Dilbert's wrist and says, "Weak muscles... I'll put you in the two- handed mouse class." Dilbert responds, "Ouch."
The boss: "Profits are down, so we fired the sales department to reduce costs."
"This strategy heavily depends on people driving to our warehouse and begging for our products."
"Do you think I should write a book?"
Dilbert: "I'd try reading one first."
The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses.
I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee!
I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.
Let me explain what video compression is... "Would you stop if I pointed out that everyone in this room except you is an electrical engineer?" "Zeros are round and fat compared to ones..." "I'm begging you..."
Albanian: If you hire me, I will do all the jobs that the people born in this country are too fat and lazy to do. I don't require a safe working environment, and I thrive on abuse!
The Boss: Do you complain much?"
Albanian: I'll remove my own tongue and give it to you in a pickle jar for boss's day.
