Belief System Comic Strips
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Dogbert says to the robot, "We need to do something about your total lack of ethics and social conscience." Dogbert continues, "I had Dilbert build this guilt module for your control board. It has the synthesized shame of every major belief system." Later, the robot says to Dilbert, "I am unworthy to roll in your spittle." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Frankly, I liked him better before."
An Elbonian says, "I assure you that your new Elbonian management will not discriminate against non-Elbonians." Someone says, "Doesn't your belief system hold that all non-Elbonians are on the same level as livestock?" The Elbonian says, "Someone is starting off on the wrong hoof with his new supervisor."
boss: ted says you are making all the wrong technology decisions on your project. dilbert: why do you believe him? boss: because he's the last person i talked to. dilbert: but now you're talking to me. boss: stop trying to game the system.
Tags #groceries & grocery stores, #natural disasters, #saving & investment, #complete meltdown, #financial system, #six months, #Food, #water, #batteries, #gold coins, #light on defensive weapontry, #protein bars, #money
Dilbert: I'm preparing for the complete meltdown of our financial system. I've got six months of food and water. I have batteries, flashlights, and gold coins. Alice: I'm prepare too. I have your home address. And I noticed that your preparations are light on defensive weaponry. Can you add some protein bars to the shopping list?
Boss: I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin System. Catbert: Are you sure that's true? Boss: It must be. No one else has even heard of it.
Wally: I successfully installed a software maintenance patch to the Zeberpupin System. I'd show you, but it's just a bunch of zeroes and ones. The word you're trying to think of is "indispensable."
Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.
Boss: I hired a pantless weasel yo do our search engine optimization. Boss: He'll help us gas the system and corrupt the integrity of all internet search results for our industry. Boss: Your new job title is "accomplice"
Tina: Wally, do you want to go to lunch? Wally: No, thanks. I"m a digisexual now. Tina: What: Wally: I'm no longer attracted to people. I only like technology. People creep me out. You're basically a delivery system for viruses, germs, and unreasonable favor requests. I'm willing to take a picture of you, but that's as far as I'll go. Tina: This is the most disturbing conversation I've ever had. Wally: Thank goodness for Photoshop.
Dogbert walks across a field holding a microphone. Dogbert thinks, "I never realized that being an 'ambush reporter' could be so much fun." Dogbert approaches a football player and asks, "Is it true you used steroids to gain your massive size?" The man says, "No! I swear! I just use this little AM radio. I don't even own a steroid system!"