Best Customers Comic Strips

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437 Results for Best Customers

View 1 - 10 results for best customers comic strips. Discover the best "Best Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2013's comic on:

Tags #best customers, #combo pack, #creepy bearded guys, #potato chips, #retail business, #tissues

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Dogbert: Research shows that your best customers are creepy bearded guys. That same group also buys a high volume of potato chips and tissues. Boss: How's that help us? Dogbert: Two words: Combo Pack.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #tina, #sales, #department, #boss, #new, #hurt, #customers, #new guy, #despise, #account, #i hate you

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A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."

Brains In A River

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Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2018's comic on:

Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers

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Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Best In The Industry

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Best In The Industry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2019's comic on:

Tags #headphones, #best, #persuading, #humor, #confused, #jokes

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Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.

Best Employees

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Best Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2019's comic on:

Tags #big business, #confused, #employees, #customer service

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CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #announcements, #committee decided, #file naming, #month, #year, #day, #space, #temperature, #airport, #hat size, #long meeting, #best work

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Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2011's comic on:

Tags #apathy, #telephones, #get tech support, #audio menu, #tech support, #user manuals, #hate customers, #apathy thing

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Dogbert: I researched how long your customers will stay on the phone trying to get tech support before giving up. Then I designed an audio menu tree that will take them slightly longer than that to reach your tech support. I've seen your user manuals and I assume that you hate your customers' guts. Boss: It's more of an apathy thing.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #language, #best shore, #off shore, #some countries, #better than others, #racists

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Boss: And we plan to bestshore the production. Dilbert: What? Boss: We say bestshore now instead of offshore. Dilbert: Is that because we never tried to pick the best shore until now? Boss: Of course we tried to pick the best shore! Dilbert: But we never succeeded because we're incompetent? Boss: All I'm saying is that some countries are better than others! Wally: We're racists?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2011's comic on:

Tags #losers, #meetings, #sales personnel, #sell to customers, #winners sell, #low quota levels, #ch ching dance

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Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar Dogbert says, "Losers sell to customers." Dogbert says, "Winners sell the idea of low quota levels to their own bosses." Dogbert says, "Now everyone do the cha-ching dance!" Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2011's comic on:

Tags #meetings, #questioning, #best plan, #ignorant nusinace, #meeting, #business

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Boss: This is the best plan in the world, and anyone who disagrees is an ignorant nuisance. Now I'll open it up for comments. Anyone? Anyone? Wally: I'd like to thank you for shortening this meeting.