Search Results for "best friends"
Share June 11, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair and says, "Don't think of it as fetching, think of it as doing a favor for your best friend." As he leaves the room, Dogbert says, "It's still pretty degrading." Dogbert lifts up the bed covers and finds Dilbert's slippers. He thinks, "Grumble, grumble, grumble . . ." Dogbert says, "Uh oh! It looks like Mr. Hedge Clippers wants to speak to Mr. Slippers!" Dogbert hands Dilbert his shreaded slippers. Dogbert says, "Will you be needing your bathrobe too, O Great Master?"
Share May 07, 2003's comic on:
Headline: P.R. for Elbonia. Dogbert is standing on a table. He addresses two Elbonians, "The media give you a bad rap for exporting leprechaun meat." Dogbert continues, "Our ad campaign will feature a leprechaun explaining that they enjoy being eaten." Ratbert is dressed up like a leprechaun in front of cameras. He is standing in a frying pan and holding a meat tenderizer. He says, "Elbonians are our best friends. Now excuse me while I tenderize myself."
Share August 14, 1994's comic on:
"Friends Explained" "A Very Special 'Dilbert'." "Close friends." "May I borrow your gum?" "Sure, reach in and take what you need." "Buddies" "May I borrow your hammer?" "Why not use your forehead as usual?" "Work Friends" "So, how's your wife?" "Dead, same as last week." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (stereotypical view)" "Love." "Lust." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (modern correct view)" "Lust." "Television." "Platonic friends" "Television?" "Lust." "Man's Best Friend" "By my estimate there are 2.6 billion females who do NOT desire you." "Name them."
Share March 13, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. Dilbert says, "I'm not looking for romance. No, I just want to be friends." The woman asks, "That's all? But why?" Dilbert replies, "Because you have a snout like a porpoise." Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "When you use reverse psychology, it's best to leave out unflattering references to other mammals."
Share March 12, 2019's comic on:
Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.
Share April 11, 2011's comic on:
Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?
Share April 12, 2011's comic on:
Tags #computers & peripherals, #fraternization, #friends with ghots, #ghandi, #ghost personal page, #ghosts, #heaven, #internet & world wide web, #llincoln, #satellite pictures, #social media, #social network, #technology
Dogbert: Our new product will be a social network for people who want to be friends with ghosts. We'll post satellite pictures on each ghost's personal page and say the photos were taken from heaven. Man: Abraham Lincoln posted new pictures. Woman: I'm chatting with Gandhi! Later.
Share April 23, 2011's comic on:
Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.
Share April 17, 2011's comic on:
Boss: And we plan to bestshore the production. Dilbert: What? Boss: We say bestshore now instead of offshore. Dilbert: Is that because we never tried to pick the best shore until now? Boss: Of course we tried to pick the best shore! Dilbert: But we never succeeded because we're incompetent? Boss: All I'm saying is that some countries are better than others! Wally: We're racists?
Share March 17, 2011's comic on:
Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."