Better Spent Consulting Comic Strips

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594 Results for Better Spent Consulting

View 1 - 10 results for better spent consulting comic strips. Discover the best "Better Spent Consulting" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dogbert consulting, #credibility, #money, #better spent consulting, #downsizing, #analysis, #upgrade deluxe service, #science

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The Boss, Dogbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to add credibility to my decisions." Dogbert wears a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert says, "As my analysis shows, it's much better to give your money to me than to waste it on future downsizees such as yourselves." Wally asks, "What analysis? This is a page ripped out of the magazine in our lobby." Dogbert replies, "Perhaps you should upgrade to my deluxe service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dollars, #inventing, #secret, #better, #classify, #send, #space, #stuff, #kill, #smoking, #drugs, #open-minded

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The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #pessimism, #telephones, #collaboration tools, #trying to accomplish, #bad acoustics, #speaker phones, #randomly agreed, #better than expected, #crime not committed

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Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #human body, #medicines, #vitamin d, #inner glow, #vitamins, #minerals, #better than sun

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Topper. Carol: I'm in a bad mood. Maybe I need some sun to boost my vitamin D level. Topper: That's nothing. Exposure to my inner glow will give you a full range of vitamins and minerals. Dilbert: You're better than the sun? Topper: I don't quit just because it's night.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #language, #best shore, #off shore, #some countries, #better than others, #racists

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Boss: And we plan to bestshore the production. Dilbert: What? Boss: We say bestshore now instead of offshore. Dilbert: Is that because we never tried to pick the best shore until now? Boss: Of course we tried to pick the best shore! Dilbert: But we never succeeded because we're incompetent? Boss: All I'm saying is that some countries are better than others! Wally: We're racists?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview, #money

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Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exercise & fitness, #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #brain work better, #the ighties, #debunks science, #business

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Alice says, "Scientists say that exercise makes your brain work better." The Boss says, "I haven't exercised since the eighties." The Boss says, "That pretty much debunks science." Alice says, "It had a good run."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #gloating, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #alice in charge, #better than, #business

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Alice: Our pointy haired boss put me in charge while he's gone. Thats proof that Im better than you...and you...and you...and you... and you. Oh look: thats the only thing on my agenda!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #blaming, #quarreling, #work independantly, #close eyes, #fall back, #better than other people

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Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to work independently. In this exercise, I want you to put your arms at you side, close your eyes, and fall backward. Noise: Thud thud thud. Dogbert: And it's still better than working with other people.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #mergers & acquisitions, #slavery is illeagal, #engineers are free, #find jobs, #better companies

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Boss: We're buying an entire company just to get their engineers. Dilbert: Are you aware that slavery is illegal and the engineers are free to find jobs at better companies? Boss: I sure hope you're wrong about that.