Between Businesses Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

154 Results for Between Businesses

View 1 - 10 results for between businesses comic strips. Discover the best "Between Businesses" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2001's comic on:

Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels

View Transcript

Transcript

Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1997's comic on:

Tags #consultant, #meeting, #obvious generalities, #revenue for profit, #run by artits, #small businesses, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on the couch reading. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a consultant in the field of obvious generalities." Dogbert explains, "I'll work for small businesses that are run by artists. They'll think I'm brilliant, which I am." Dogbert sits at a conference table with a man and a woman. The man, who has a goatee, says, "Whoa! Are you saying we need REVENUE to make profit??" The woman says, "Ouch! I've got a headache on one side."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 1994's comic on:

Tags #proposal, #alternatives, #lobby government, #tax breaks, #idiot run businesses, #quit job, #new career, #handing out towels, #cow chips, #bull shit

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: Your proposal doesn't address the alternatives. Dilbert: There aren't any reasonable alternatives. The boss: There are always alternatives! Give me alternatives!! No wonder nothing gets done around here - not enough alternatives. typing: "we could lobby the government to give tax breaks to all idiot run businesses" "I could quit this stupid job and start a new career handing out towels at the gym" "Or we could use cow chips instead of microchips and save millions" The Boss: whats a cow chip? Dilbert: This job would be an example.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2004's comic on:

Tags #paranoid, #emplooyees, #trying to kill, #pauses between words, #no payment, #ruled out paranoia, #session, #therapist session, #crazy, #couch, #offensive, #cheap, #reluctance to heal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I think my employees are trying t kill me. Am I paranoid? The boss: put your answer in an metal. O spot want to be paying for the pauses between you words. Therapist: Ive ruled out paranoia. The Boss: phew thats a relief.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2007's comic on:

Tags #busy, #make appointment, #always busy, #in between, #no time, #make no time, #unpredictable, #secretary, #shouts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "No, I'm busy." Dilbert: "When would be a good time for me to come back?" The Boss: "Come back when I'm not busy." Dilbert: "Aren't you always busy?" The Boss: "Heck, no." "Sometimes I'm in between doing one thing and doing another thing." Dilbert: "When will that happen?" The Boss: "It's unpredictable." "Ask Carol to call you when I'm not busy." Dilbert: "Carol, would you..." Carol: "I'M BUSY!"

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2011's comic on:

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #seven layers of management, #lead company, #unknowingly, #bad idea, #input to avoid, #ceo, #middle management

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2011's comic on:

Tags #employees, #engineers, #revenge, #loud talker, #chronic faltualator, #seating arrangements, #cubicle arrangements, #sound, #noise, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Office relocation Alice says, "Your floor plan puts me between a loud talker and a chronic flatulator." Tina says, "I could move you to a cubicle between a guy who clears his throat all day and a woman who laughs too much." Alice says, "Is this because I once said you aren't smart enough to be an engineer?" Tina says, "Look what I engineered?" Office Relocation

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #contracts, #relations between the sexes, #Women, #ignorantly signed, #legal strategy, #affadavit, #attractive women, #have cooties

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "The contract that you ignorantly signed gives them the right to harvest your organs." Man says, "Your best legal strategy is to get sworn affidavits from attractive women saying you have cooties." Woman says, "Heck yes, I'll sign it." Dilbert says, "I was hoping this would be harder."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #lying, #optimism, #projections, #realistic, #optimistic, #near death, #hallucination, #luci dream

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are your projections realistic or optimistic? Dilbert: They're halfway between a lucid dream and a near-death hallucination. Boss: I'll call them "most likely."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #deception, #trust and stupidity, #demonstrates question, #difference

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Wally, is there any difference between trust and stupidity? Wally: Hold that thought. I'll be right back. Asok: Oh.