Big Improvements For Free Comic Strips
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564 Results for Big Improvements For Free
View 1 - 10 results for big improvements for free comic strips. Discover the best "Big Improvements For Free" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 28,
1995
Tags putting in charge, biff, big improvements for free, recommend ways, increase profit, spend mpney, make money, more money, so called, report tomorrow, lava lamps, few bucks
Transcript
The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I'm putting you in charge of project 'BIFF.'" The Boss says "'BIFF' stands for 'Big Improvements For Free.'" The Boss says, "Your job is to recommend ways to increase profits without spending money or changing anything." Dilbert says, "You have to spend money to make money." The Boss says, "If we HAD money to spend we wouldn't need to MAKE money. Duh." Dilbert says, "The point is that you can make MORE money than you spend." The Boss says, "I'm not following your so-called 'point.'" The Boss says, "Logically, anything I don't understand is unimportant. Have your report tomorrow." The Boss sits at his desk, holding Dilbert's report. The Boss says, "So, you recommend . . . Replacing all managers with lava lamps." Dilbert reaches into his pocket and says, "Here's a few bucks for the lava lamps."
Sunday December 21,
1997
Tags Wally, training, big binder, training forgotten, binder last forever, living monument, temporary knowledge, cubcile, approve funding, free up funds, training budget
Transcript
Wally sticks his head into the boss' office. Wally says, "I'm back from training." Wally says, "I got a big binder." Wally holds out a big book. Wally says, "The training is already forgotten but the binder will last forever." Wally brings the binder to his chest. Wally says, "A living monument to temporary knowledge!" Wally says, "I'll put it in my cubicle with the others." Wally says, "Speaking of my cubicle, which direction is it?" The Boss points. Wally says, "Okay, thanks. That information should be in a binder." Dilbert says, "Did he approve funding for our project?" Wally says, "Not yet. Step one was to free up funds from the training budget."
Tuesday October 16,
1990
Tags judicial proceedings, Dilbert, Dogbert, valuable, society, free, jury duty, lives, letter, civic duty
Transcript
Dogbert reads a letter and says, "What a stupid waste of my valuable time." Dilbert says, "It's your civic duty. It's the small dues you pay for living in a just and free society." Dogbert replies, "Big whoopee." Dilbert says, "And you get to play God with other people's lives." Dogbert says, "Well, they should say that in the letter."
Wednesday August 31,
1994
Tags unpaid overtime, mba class, working for free, rub head, good luck
Transcript
"I'd stay and work some unpaid overtime with you but I'm taking MBA classes." "If YOU took MBA classes you'd understand that working for free is a low NPV." "If you don't mind, before big tests I'd like to rub your head for luck." "It'll cost you a nickel."
Saturday July 28,
2007
Tags eliminated budget, automated test software, new code, automated test, end any converstaion, calling person big baby
Transcript
Dilbert: "You eliminated the budget for automated test software. How are we going to test our new code?" The Boss: "Go write some automated test software, you big baby. I already pay you, so it's free." Dilbert: "Today I learned I can end any conversation by calling the other person a big baby." Dogbert: "Waa-waa! Do you want your bottle?"
Saturday September 22,
2012
Tags honesty, joking, paperback, spend free time, fan of clutter
Transcript
Coworker: It was a great book. I'll loan you the paperback. Dilbert: Thanks. I love it when other people decide how I'll spend my free time. Coworker: I can't tell when you're kidding. Dilbert: Paperbacks are awesome. I'm a big fan of clutter.
Saturday March 05,
2011
Tags exhibitions, honesty, relations between the sexes, chat me up, mammary filter, trade show, free stuff, job orders
Transcript
At the trade show Woman says, "Are you actually interested in this product or are you just trying to chat me up?" Dilbert says, "The show is too big to see everything, so I use a mammary filter to decide who I talk to." Woman says, "You use a what?" Dilbert says, "Do you have any free stuff or job offers?"
Sunday July 29,
2001
Tags power supply, product overheats, burst into flames, level city, military application, costs, ten million, free hammer, consulting job, uninhabited, atoll
Transcript
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Dilbert enters and says, "The power supply in our product overheats." The Boss turns to an employee seated next to him and says, "I think they might burst into flames." The employee approaches a businesswoman and says, "I'm no engineer but obviously it could level a whole city." The businesswoman motions towards a diagram of an explosion that reads, "POW!!" She says to the seated military officer, "The military application is obvious." The military officer asks stoically, "How much do they cost?" The businesswoman answers furtively, "Does 10 million dollars sound like too much?" The military officer raises his fist in protest and exclaims, "For that kind of money I expect a free hammer! And a consulting job when I retire." Dilbert is sitting at his desk in front of his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "If an uninhabited atoll doesn't blow up tomorrow you're in big trouble."
Sunday August 10,
2014
Tags any penalty, big trouble, idiotic plan, imperfect plan, leading by example, perfect plan
Transcript
Its better to execute an imperfect plan today than a perfect plan next week. Yay! we're free from any penalty if we do thing wrong. um, no nothing like that. You're still in big trouble if you do anything wrong. and Im also in big trouble if I take linger to do things right? Yes. Okay , get it, Your plan is idiotic, but we should do it anyway and hot wait for you to s ay something smarter. you're leading by example nicely done. what other dumb things should we do right away?
Wednesday February 04,
2015
Free Will Is An Illusion
Tags business ethics, free will, robot, robotics, technology, emotionally manipulate, cloud connected, control humans
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.