Billion Percent Comic Strips
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The news says, "The inflation rate in Elbonia climbed to a billion percent." An Elbonian says, "Quickly hand me the potato and I'll tell my cousin in Phlimsk to let go of the other end of my money." Another Elbonian says, "Make it snappy." The first Elbonian says, "Bradley! I have the potato!"
Elbonian inflation reaches a billion percent, daily An Elbonian says, "Is this enough for a small?" $ Fetid water! Another Elbonian says, "A minute ago, yes. Now it costs a hundred times more." The first Elbonian says, "Problem solved."
The Boss: Our new VP of marketing promises to improve our revenues by ten billion percent! Alice: "That is a ridiculous lie that only a gullible moron would believe." Dogbeet: "Oh yeah? How do you explain the fact that HE believed it?" The boss: "Touche"
Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.
Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.
Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. The waiter hands Dilbert the check and says, "I've taken the liberty of calculating a twenty-percent tip." The server continues, "It's written on the back next to a picture of a smiling diner . . . A fifteen-percent tip is shown by the picture of a guilty-looking diner." The waiter continues, "Below that is a picture of a diner and his dog with salad forks in their backs . . ."
Dilbert opens his door to two women. One woman says, "Hi, we're with the 'Women's Power Organization.' Do you have a moment?" The woman hits Dilbert in the stomach and his glasses fly off his face. Dilbert lies in the doorway. As they walk away one woman asks, "How many are left?" The other woman replies, "Two billion."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "My program predicts that the cost of college will rise twenty percent a year . . ." Dilbert continues, "Now, throw in the cost of orthodontia and haircuts . . ." Dilbert reads a printout and says to Dogbert, "I can either have a child or buy Norway . . ."
Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities." Dogbert continues typing, "And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The end." Dilbert thinks, "It's hard to write a whole book when you're as gifted as I am at getting to the point."