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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2012's comic on:

Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way, #business

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Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1994's comic on:

Tags #insensitive, #Dogbert, #dog bashing, #born this way, #no campassion, #feel bad, #who cares?, #insensitive about insensitivity

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"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #mindless task, #intern, #time, #little value, #jump out, #nice way to say

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Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2011's comic on:

Tags #lawyers & attorneys, #legal advice, #chain reaction, #future visionary leader not being born, #maintenance agreement, #stabbing gandhi

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Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I need your legal advice." Lawyer says, "There's a risk that this could cause a chain reaction that results in a future visionary leader not being born." Dilbert says, "It's just a maintenance agreement." Lawyer says, "It's like stabbing Gandhi."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #car, #salesman, #woman, #old, #steal, #purse, #drive, #foot, #boss, #convince, #first born, #son, #relatives

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Dogbert says to a customer, "I asked the boss to sell it at your price." Dogbert continues, "He told me to drive over your foot and steal your purse." Dogbert continues, "Buy maybe I can convince him to take your first-born son instead." The woman says, "He IS my first-born son!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #world, #worse, #been, #born, #wait, #turn, #computer, #every, #night, #electricity, #meaning, #life, #today, #bedroom, #light, #day

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Would the world be any worse off if I'd never been born?" Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . If not for me, who would turn off this computer every night. I'm saving electricity!" Dilbert arrives at home carrying his briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I found meaning in my life today." Dogbert says, "You left your bedroom light on all day."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 1994's comic on:

Tags #telemarketing, #bid to run, #telemarketers pay themselves, #rip[ off people, #old people, #no way to lose

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 1995's comic on:

Tags #posted for success, #huge earnings, #market share, #agenda, #raises difficult year, #united way, #two agenda items, #oopsie

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The Boss, Carol, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're poised for success. We expect huge earnings and increased market share!" Looking at a document, the Boss says, "Next on the agenda . . . There will be no raises because it will be a difficult year . . ." The Boss says, "Carol, I thought I told you to put the 'United Way' update between those two agenda items." Carol says, "Oopsie."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1996's comic on:

Tags #expect, #new employment agreement, #first born, #dna, #derivative works

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Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "I can't believe they expect us to sign these new employment agreement forms." Wally says, "According to this, anything we even THINK of becomes the Company's property. I'm surprised they don't claim our first born sons!" Wally continues, "What do you suppose it means when they copyright our 'DNA and all derivative works?'" Alice says, "They'd make an exception for you."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1997's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #network systems, #software manual, #manuals, #mean spirirted, #meet half way, #door, #window

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Dobert and Wally stand looking through a window in a door. Books are stacked on the other side. Dogbert says, "The software manuals are locked in this room." Dogbert continues, "I don't let users have manuals, for reasons that could only be described as mean-spirited." Wally presses himself against the glass and says, "Is there any way we can meet half-way on this?" Dogbert says, "Hey, that door didn't always have a window."