Boss Lists Faults Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for boss lists faults comic strips. Discover the best "Boss Lists Faults" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr diretor, #improve perfromance, #feel bad, #faults, #boss lists faults, #hoping for improvement

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert stands on the top of a chair talking to the boss. Catbert says, "You can improve an employee's performance by making him feel bad about himself." The Boss says, "So, although that wouldn't work on me, it works fine on other people?" Catbert says, "Exactly." The boss stands behind Dilbert and reads from a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I'll read your faults one at a time. Tell me when your performance improves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #organization chart, #phone lists shreded, #picking clean, #headhunters, #steal away, #double pay, #drains initiative

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The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "From now on, the organization chart will not be distributed." The Boss crumples up a piece of paper and says, "And the internal phone lists will be shredded." The Boss continues, "This will prevent headhunters from easily picking us clean." Wally asks, "Why would headhunters call US?" The Boss explains, "They want to steal you away and double your pay at another company." Wally says, "What makes you think we won't leave on our own anyway?" The Boss replies, "Because working here drains all your initiative." Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "Let's prove him wrong." Dilbert says, "Yeah! I'm NOT shredding my phone list!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software faults, #ship date, #future development, #coulumn, #what to call stuff, #figuring

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Dilbert: We still have too many software faults. We'll miss our ship date. The boss: "Move the list of faults to the 'future development' column and ship it." "90% of this job is figuring out what to call stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director of human resources, #payroll expenses low, #bad reviews, #employees, #defects, #list, #faults, #alphabetical, #business

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Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #insult, #insults, #lists, #managers, #obliviousness, #five signs, #bad boss, #forwarded link, #70 people

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Dilbert: Did you see the article on the Internet about the five signs you might be a bad boss? Boss: Yeah. About seventy people forwarded it to me. Dilbert: That was number three on the list. Boss: I didn't read it. Dilbert: That was number one.

Boss Can't Be Your Friend

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Boss Can't Be Your Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #double standard, #employee, #hierarchy, #lunch, #rank, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.

Making Your Boss Look Good

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Making Your Boss Look Good - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #criticism, #ego, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #responsibility

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Boss: You did this wrong. Dilbert: That's how you trained me to do it. Bob: You need to learn to take responsibility for my mistakes. It's called "making your boss look good". Dilbert: Maybe you could help a little too.

Alice Makes Her Boss Look Good

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Alice Makes Her Boss Look Good - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Boss: Alice, always remember that a good employee makes her boss look good. Alice: Maybe I could toss a blanket over you when other people are around. Boss: I'm not talking about my physical appearance. Alice: The blanket would also muffle the sound.

Fyi Boss

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Fyi Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #email, #managers & supervisors

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Boss: I've decided to be more of an "FYI Boss". I'll forward emails that already went to every employee and add a note saying, "FYI". Dilbert: Do you call that managing? Boss: No, I call it leading.

Everyone Is Their Own Boss

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Everyone Is Their Own Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #employees, #company

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Man: At my company, every employee is their own boss. Dilbert: How do you make decisions? Man: Can I get back to you when we make one? It's only been two years.