Search Results for "bought hat"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 168

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2008's comic on:

Tags #behind schedule, #defective equipment, #improbable event, #reliable vendor, #sales guy, #golfing, #bought hat, #impossible boss, #on the hook

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise because your project is behind schedule." Dilbert says, "That's because the vendor delivered defective equipment." The Boss says, "It is your job to anticipate that sort of problem and head it off." Dilbert says, "It isn't possible to anticipate and head off every improbable event." The Boss says, "Well, you could have picked a more reliable vendor." Dilbert says, "You told me to use this vendor because the sales guy took you golfing and bought you a hat." The Boss says, "Well, you should have seen that coming and burned down all hat factories a year ago." Dilbert says, "He would have bribed you another way." The Boss says, "That's what lazy people say."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1992's comic on:

Tags #finances, #violence, #Dilbert, #christmas, #social, #life, #mortgage, #gift, #hat, #sale, #yule, #log

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I thought you might need help deciding what to get me for Christmas." Dogbert says, "I started by doing a complete analysis of your financial situation." Dogbert continues, "Your utter lack of a social life has resulted in significant cash reserves." Dogbert continues, "That combined with a second mortgage would make $50,000 available for my gift." Dilbert says, "I bought you a hat." Dogbert looks at Dilbert. Dilbert says, "It was on sale." Dogbert walks away saying, "It seems that every year at about this time I feel like beating somebody senseless with a yule log."

Hat Monitors Sleep

Thank you for voting.
Hat Monitors Sleep - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2016's comic on:

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #hat, #control

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This hat monitors your brain waves and warns you if you are going to fall asleep. We think it will prevent accidents. Dilbert: Is that all it does? Boss: For now. Robot: Welcome to the club.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #announcements, #committee decided, #file naming, #month, #year, #day, #space, #temperature, #airport, #hat size, #long meeting, #best work

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #crimes, #internet & world wide web, #black hat, #websites ranking, #search engine, #unethical, #near certainty, #loserish, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #fate, #steal, #dilberts, #hover-saucer, #conquer, #tiny, #nation, #elbonia, #knock, #unfriendly, #merger, #opportunity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on his pillow. There is a knock at the door. Dogbert opens the door and an old man with a staff and a hat with an "F" on it stands on the doorstep. The man says, "Dogbert, I am 'Fate.' You must steal Dilbert's hover-saucer and conquer the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dogbert asks, "Since when does Fate knock?" The man replies, "I was bought out in an unfriendly merger by 'Opportunity.' I should have seen it coming."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #elf, #elves, #magic, #elf magic, #Dogs, #fear, #respect, #bunny, #hat, #karl, #bug

View Transcript

Transcript

An elf holding a top hat says to Dogbert, "Fear us, dog! We elves are magic. Watch this!" The elf pulls a giant rabbit out of the hat. The other elves run away. The elves are bruised and their clothes are tattered. An elf says, "I think we had the dog's fear and respect . . . Until the bunny made Karl eat a bug."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 1992's comic on:

Tags #christmas presents, #Dogbert, #christmas, #gift, #hat, #humane, #society, #sweater

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert looks at a present under the Christmas tree and thinks, "I can't believe he only got ONE gift for me. This is an outrage." Dogbert thinks, "And he already told me it's a hat. A great dog like me, and he buys a hat?" A man at the Humane Society says into a telephone, "There's nothing we can do . . . Unless it has a matching sweater . . ."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 1992's comic on:

Tags #christmas presents, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hat, #crown, #merry christmas, #christmas, #friend

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on a pillow and Dilbert sits on the floor wearing his bathrobe. There is a present on the floor between them. Dogbert says, "Why should I open it? You already told me it's just a stupid hat." Dilbert replies, "Open it anyway." Dogbert opens the box and takes out a crown. Dogbert says, "Hey, it's not really a hat; it's a crown." Dogbert puts on the crown and says, "I'm not happy. I'm only humoring you." Dilbert says, "Merry Christmas, little friend."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #device, #satellites, #broadcasters, #illegal, #sell, #electronic, #fishing, #lure, #hijack, #hat, #Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to a store clerk, "I'm looking for a device that will allow me to take over the satellites of all the major broadcasters." The salesclerk winks as he says, "It would be illegal to sell something like that. But maybe you'd be interested in an electronic fishing lure instead." The salesman continues winking as he says, "Fish can't resist the 'Hijack 3000' lure. And it comes with its own stupid-looking hat!" Dogbert says, "Clever."