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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #woman, #dinner, #love, #witch, #break the ice, #small talk, #witchcraft

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Dilbert walks next to a woman and thinks, "I can't believe she agreed to have dinner with me." In the restaurant, Dilbert pulls out the woman's chair and thinks, "I'm afraid to say anything to spoil this moment . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I guess I should say something to break the ice." The woman asks, "Did I mention that I'm a witch?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2012's comic on:

Tags #television news, #rogue nations, #nuclear weapons, #polar ice caps, #melting, #unemployment, #brink of default, #retirement, #news

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Wally: Rogue nations are building nuclear weapons. The polar ice caps are melting. Unemployment is high. Entire nations are on the brink of default. You aren't saving enough for retirement. Dilbert: What do you have going here? Wally: He said he doesn't pay attention to news. I wondered why.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2012's comic on:

Tags #sales personnel, #pretend, #helpful, #awkwardly upsell, #listening, #refrigerator, #ice

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Dilbert is shopping. A salesman approaches him and says "Do you mind if I pretend to be helpful while I awkwardly try to upsell you?" Dilbert replies "Nope. Do you mind if I pretend to be listening while I think about other things?" "Cool," says the salesman. Dilbert thinks to himself "I'm glad I don't have your job." The salesman asks him "How old is your refrigerator? Do you like ice?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1989's comic on:

Tags #dating, #ice cream, #relationships

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors . Dilbert is holding an ice cream cone. Dilbert says, "I can remember when these were only fifteen cents." Dilbert continues, "But I'm really dating myself now . . ." Dogbert says, "Well, it's not as if anybody else would date you."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 1989's comic on:

Tags #animal behavior, #skunk, #ice cream, #strawberry, #animals, #animal nature, #bowl, #arm chair

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Dilbert: Yikes!!! A skunk in the house. Skunk: Hi. Oh, don't worry; we skunks only spray when we're scared... I certainly wouldn't use my threatening power to force you to do my bidding. Dilbert: Then why is your tail twitching?! Skunk: I'm scared you might not offer me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #abuse, #skunk, #cats, #fear, #response, #ice cream

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Dilbert is threatened by an abusive skunk. Skunk: That's right: A big bowl of ice cream could keep me from being afraid and reflexively spraying your living room. Dilbert: This is blackmail! Skunk: My goodness, no. It's just that I can't control my fear response. Now I'm afraid that you won't sing the songs from "cats," while I eat.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #bob, #fridge, #ice cream, #ice age, #guard

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Dilbert: Ice cream. Bob: Sorry. I've been really jumpy ever since the ice age caught me off guard.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Family, #meeting, #show, #minutes, #tie, #baby, #break, #vote

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "The minutes from the last family meeting show that all the votes were a one-one tie." Dilbert continues, "One of us will have to have a baby so we can break these ties." Dogbert replies, "I vote that you have the baby."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #elbonians, #leader, #rebel, #diplomat, #peace, #mission, #rock, #pig, #varnish, #clams, #break

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An Elbonian lies face down in the mud. Another Elbonian man says to Dilbert, "You crushed our leader. Now YOU must be the new rebel leader." Dilbert replies, "I'm a diplomat, on a peace mission." The Elbonian says, "A wise Elbonian once said 'In a race between a rock and a pig, don't varnish your clams.'" Dilbert says, "That's stupid." The Elbonian crosses his arms and asks, "What kind of diplomat are you??" Dilbert replies, "First day on the job . . . Gimme a break."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1993's comic on:

Tags #stealing, #Dilbert, #phil, #accounting, #break, #lunch, #office

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Phil the Ruler of Heck leads Dilbert into the elevator by his tie. Dilbert asks, "What's the penalty for stealing a chair??" Phil replies, "You are sentenced to sit in the break room used by the accounting department." Dilbert sits at a table with two men. One man says, "I like to type the number six." The other looks into his paper bag and says, "Cripes! This is my Tuesday lunch bag."