"If you recommend my company's product to your board, there might be a little something for you later."
"Before you decide, look at this DVD titled, 'Is bribery right for you?'"
"The narrator might refer to you by name when she dances."
boss and carol wearing face masks.
boss: i was falsely accused of being a white supremacist and fired. but i won in arbitration and got my job back!
carol: how did you win?
boss: bribery. once you realize the whole system is rotten, it's easier.
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally says, "According to the news, everyone in power is corrupt." Catbert says, "So?" Wally says, "If you give me a 20% raise, I'll kick back half to you." Catbert says, "Done." Dilbert says, "How did you afford a new vest in this economy? Crime?" Wally says, "I'm dabbling."
Wally says, "This week I sold company secrets, did some insider trading, and took kickbacks from vendors." Wally says, "I'll give you a taste if you look the other way." Zip! Dilbert says, "That's unsettling."
the CEO and the senator Dogbert says ,"It wouldn't be legal for me to bribe you." Dogbert says, "So I hired your wife as a consultant despite the fact that she thinks 'Present value' is some sort of gift card." Dogbert says, "And I wrote some legislation for you because you're a lazy thief." Senator says, "Ha ha! Let's call that 'Access'."
Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.
Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.
boss: the employee engagement survey results are in. aaand...not a single person answered the survey. looks like we have room to improve. dilbert: have you considered bribery?
