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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2008's comic on:

Tags #favor, #investor, #overseas, #question, #overseas investor, #cartel, #fly to columbia, #bring back package

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The boss: We were saved from the abyss by a last minute injection of capital from an overseas investor. They're some sort of cartel. We weren't in a position to ask a lot of questions. They want each of you to fly to Colombia and bring back a package... and you can't use your hands.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1999's comic on:

Tags #Catbert, #evil dircetor, #new policy, #reimbursement, #travel, #bring back fork, #ten percent meals

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Caption: 'Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at his computer and writes, "....New policy on reimbursement for travel..." Dilbert, at his computer, reads, "Do not tip more than ten percent for meals.." Catbert writes, "If the meal costs more than six dollars, bring back a fork." Catbert purrs.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2009's comic on:

Tags #budget, #coffee, #suggestion, #anger, #firing, #meeting, #business

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the boss says, "I need ideas on how we can cut spending." Wally says, bring back free coffee." the boss says, "That's the opposite of cutting spending." Wally says, "It seems that way if you're short sighted." Wally says, "When I buy my own coffee, I don't drink as much." Wally says, "That make me less alert and about half as productive." Wally says, "If you give me free coffee, you can fire Ted and come out ahead." Wally says, "I rest my case." The boss says, "I'm sorry Ted. Wally makes a compelling argument." zzz

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1994's comic on:

Tags #dress codes don't apply, #fireing, #hire back, #more money, #reverence package, #telecommute, #two weeks vaction

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"Great news -- You're fired!" "You get a generous severance package, two weeks' vacation, AND we hire you back as a contractor for more money!!" "And I can telecommute if I want, but since dress codes don't apply to me..." "Aargh!" "Bonk, Bonk"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1997's comic on:

Tags #despotic nations, #software license, #submit strip searches, #opening package

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Dilbert sits at his desk and reads the back of an envelope. He reads, "Software Licence: By opening this package you agree . . ." Dilbert reads, ". . . You will not make copies or export to despotic nations. You will submit to strip searches in your home . . ." Dilbert rips open the package. A large woman with a flashlight in her belt enters the room. She says, "Frankly, both of us would have been happier if you had just walked away."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1998's comic on:

Tags #cofffee, #tired, #downward spiral, #immobile, #bring coffee

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Dilbert stares at his computer screen and thinks, "I need coffee." He continues, "But I'm too tired to go get it." Dilbert leans back and thinks frantically, "I'm in a downward spiral!" Dilbert hangs limply in his chair as he thinks, "My arms go limp. The antidote is only yards away but I am immobile." Ted walks by Dilbert's cubicle as Dibert thinks, "Maybe someone will notice and bring coffee." Alice and Wally lean into Dilbert's cubicle and Dilbert thinks, "My co-workers found me. I'm saved!" Wally and Alice walk out of Dilbert's cubicle carrying his monitor and computer. Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert naked with something on his face. Dilbert explains, "As the frenzied mob ripped off my trousers, someone spilled coffee on me." Dogbert replies, "Wow, lucky."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #honesty, #meetings, #honest opinions, #plan, #hold back, #feedback, #monkey eats, #fermented fruit

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Boss: I want your honest opinions on my plan. Don't hold back anything. Asok: Does he mean that? Wally: Why don't you find out? Asok: Yes, I have some feedback. Your plan reminds me of what happens when a monkey eats a fermented fruit. He's all - ooh - ooh - ooh and then he falls out of the tree. ... Is that how he looks when he hears honesty? Wally: Beats me. I've never tried it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2012's comic on:

Tags #complaining, #conversation, #ask ed, #dumb guy, #liar, #bad breath, #braggaty, #large pores, #combover, #describe me, #behind my back, #insecure guy, #steers conversation

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Alice: You should ask Ed about this. Carol: Is Ed the dumb guy who talks too much or the liar with the bad breath? Alice: He's the braggart with large pores and a combover. Dilbert: Wow. How do you describe me behind my back? Carol: You're the insecure guy who steers the conversation to himself.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2012's comic on:

Tags #new product development, #stock buy back, #stock market, #dream, #using capitol, #money

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CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #free app, #stealing personal info, #lodge complaint, #monthly subscription, #package, #history of contaxcts, #sells itself

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Customer: Your free app is stealing my personal information. I'd like to lodge a complaint. Dogbert: Buy our monthly subscription package or I'll send your browser history to your contacts. Dilbert: How's your app going? Dogbert: It practically sells itself.