Brokers Know Stocks Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Brokers Know Stocks

View 1 - 10 results for brokers know stocks comic strips. Discover the best "Brokers Know Stocks" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #full service broker, #stick broker, #brokers know stocks, #earn trust, #direct approach, #garbage, #biggest commission

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into the office of a Full Service Broker. The Broker introduces himself to Dilbert, "I'm Bob Weaselton, your full-service stockbroker." Bob continues, "There are two ways we can go here." Bob continues, "Option one: I act as if brokers know which stocks are better than others." Bob continues, "Then I'll earn your trust by comparing your portfolio to misleading benchmarks." Bob continues, "But I prefer a more direct approach." Bob continues, "Option two: I sell you whatever garbage earns me the biggest commission." Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Would you do me a favor and lie to me?" Dogbert responds, "Nice haircut."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefits dept, #retire now, #haitian penny stocks, #change in tone, #letter about pension, #contrarain investor

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: Uh-oh...it's never good when we get mail from the benefits department. "retire now or we'll invest your entire pension in haitian penny stocks. Dilbert: Have you noticed a change in tone lately? Wally: Little do they know Im a contrarian investor.

Success Is About Who You Know

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Success Is About Who You Know - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #blaming, #success, #who you know

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Success is all about who you know. I'm not successful, so apparently it doesn't help to know you. Dilbert: I"m sorry I let you down. Wally: It's as if you aren't even trying.

Ted Needed To Know

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Needed To Know - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #business, #email, #forward, #malice, #slander, #private, #know, #face maks

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i forwarded your email to ted. Dilbert shaken: WHAT!!! i said bad things about ted! that was a private email to you! alice: he needed to know. dilbert yelling: he did not need to know!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #joking, #agenda, #know anything, #important he is, #like his jokes, #late for dinner, #jokes, #table, #meeting, #laughter, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont know, #flashdrive, #gadgets, #hand, #illness, #where its been, #data

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I put the data on a Flash drive for you. Dilbert: Get that thing away from me. I don't know where it's been. Coworker: I hope you mean the Flash drive and not my hand. Dilbert: I did. But you raise a good point about the hand.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad stocks, #disclose holdings, #money, #newsletter, #stock market, #stock picker, #traded stocks, #pumpanddump

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a pump-and-dump newsletter for thinly traded stocks. It's legal as long as I disclose my holdings and my bad stock picks can be attributed to honest mistakes. Meet my stock picker. Coworker: All shhtocks go up!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market, #no raise, #accomplished nothing, #invest in penny stocks, #hot stock tips, #narrowed the gap, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I can't give you a raise because you accomplished nothing this year. Wally: That's okay because I make a fortune investing in penny stocks. Do you want some hot stock tips? Dilbert: Did you get a raise. Wally: No, but I narrowed the gap between his income and mine.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #trader, #stocks, #illegal, #trading, #information, #board, #meeting, #san francisco

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become an inside trader of stocks." Dilbert replies, "Inside trading is illegal. Besides, where will you get your information?" Dogbert raises his ears and says, "Shhh . . . I hear a board meeting starting San Francisco."