Budget For Research And Development Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

415 Results for Budget For Research And Development

View 1 - 10 results for budget for research and development comic strips. Discover the best "Budget For Research And Development" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget for research and development, #confidential, #witty, #appreciation, #laugh, #teeth fall out

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: "Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" Ted: "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" Alice: "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." Alice: "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Alice: "Those are my real teeth. I need them back."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new product revenue, #future, #slashed bidget, #development budget, #describe future, #doomed

View Transcript

Transcript

The addresses a meeting, "The future of the company depends on new product revenue." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Is that why you slashed the research and development budget?" The Boss replies, "If you're so smart, let's see you describe our future without using the word 'doomed.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancel others, #crazy ideas, #one you of ten, #research projects, #research and development

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to the Boss: "One out of ten research and development projects will succeed." He continues: "I recommend cancelling the other nine." Sitting at lunch with his co-workers, Wally says: "I wonder where he gets all these crazy ideas."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give his presentation, #irrelevant comparisons, #low budget, #development time, #computers faster, #obvious insights

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job opening, #research and development, #escape the mismanaged, #futility, #current job, #boss has similar idea

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a job opening for an engineer in research and development!" "It's a chance to escape the mismanaged futility of my current job and live the dream!" The Boss: Hey, there's an opening for a new manager of research and development!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget cut, #25% budget cut, #ulcers, #heart disease, #product, #envy, #mysterious pustles

View Transcript

Transcript

"If I cut you product development budget by 25%, what could you develop?" "Ulcers, heart disease and maybe mysterious pustules." "How about the product itself?" "It will envy me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deepest budget cuts, #death spiral, #data driven focus

View Transcript

Transcript

"The leadership team can't decide where to make the deepest budget cuts." "But don't worry. I offered to bring a systematic, data-driven focus to the process." "A death spiral goes clockwise north of the equator." "Budget cuts" "Research" "Design" "Sales" "Mancom"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product development, #two thirds, #Features, #reduce scope, #change request, #stacks of paper, #mean, #unethical, #passive agressive

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our budget won't cover all of the product development. We can only do two thirds of the features for that amount. The Boss: reduce the scope of the project by one third. Dilbert: Okay. The boss: but theoretically.... Dilbert: No...dear lord, no. The boss: Id I later give you a change request to add one feature could you do it for the same budget. Dilbert One? sure. DATA GOES IN : MANAGEMENT COMES OUT. One sure changes are free, Carol: where do I put the change requests?

Incompetent Employee Budget Only

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

Dilbert Is Under Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Under Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #budget, #money, #stealing, #embezzlement, #consequences

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.