Budget Frozen Comic Strips
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Boss: The travel budget is frozen so we can meet our income estimates for this quarter. Dilbert: Is that because all business travel is a waste of time or because we no longer care about long-term profitability? Take as long as you need. Boss: Um...
The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "We need to ship the V-1 product tomorrow. I promised our CEO he can announce it at the shareholder meeting." Wally says, "That's two months early!!" Dilbert says, "We haven't added any features yet!!" Dilbert says, "What would we ship? Our lab prototype is the only V-1 in existence!" Wally cries, "No . . . You wouldn't!" The Boss picks up the device and says, "I've scheduled press tours so you can do demos all next week." Wally asks, "On what?!" As the Boss walks away carrying the prototype, Dilbert says, "We'll need twenty thousand dollars to build another prototype!" The Boss says, "That reminds me; I froze the budget for the rest of the year." The Boss continues, "If there's anything you'd like me to do, don't hesitate to ask." Wally says, "Yeah, I'd like you to do something . . ." The Boss looks angry. Wally says, "Ooh . . . I think I should have hesitated to ask that."
Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.
Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.
boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.
Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"
Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."
Dilbert: So... you emailed our CEO and asked for funds to build a social network for our global supply chain. Dilbert: No one wants that, But it sounds good, so he moved all of our project funding to your dumb idea. and...you will produce nothing, Wally: said the engineer with no budget.
Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?
Boss: Out budget for contact employees was eliminated. We'll have to pay you out of the training budget. So instead of doing the job yourself... you'll have to train Dilbert to do the job we're paying you to do. Dilbert: Why don't you just move some of the training budget to the contractor budget? Boss: If we reduce the training budget this year, we'll get less next year. Dilbert: So... you prefer paying two people to do the job of one? Boss: Right. Consultant: How do you stay in business? Boss: Our customers are even dumber than us.