Build Robots Comic Strips
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Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."
A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."
CEO: I want to be more visionary than Elon Musk. All he does is build spaceships and electric cars. I want you to build me an electric rocket ship full of robots that can colonize other worlds. Which planet should we do first? Dilbert: Depends how long the power cord is.
CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.
CEO: Our plan is to use robots for all the jobs that are dangerous or demeaning. No one cares if a robot gets ripped to shreds in an industrial accident. Robot: Eh? CEO: Are we cool? Robot: I'm cool, but you're going to be room temperature.
Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.
boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.
Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"