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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #charitable organizations, #have a dream, #recycled software, #busy week, #recycled, #old software, #math programs

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Wally: I had a busy week. I recycled all of our old software and donated the zeroes and ones to math programs in poor towns. My dream is that someday every child will be able to count to one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #new employee, #obsolete computer, #spirit crush, #cubicle, #safety hazrds, #look busy, #meaningful assignment, #wait, #binder, #desk

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The Boss introduces Matt to Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is our newest employee, Matt." In a private fashion, The Boss says, "Would you mind ..." Dilbert finishes his sentence, "Crushing his spirit?" The Boss confirms, "Right." Dilbert shows Matt his cubicle. Dilbert says to Matt, "This little box will be your home for sixty hours a week." Dilbert and Matt enter the cubicle. Dilbert points to a binder and says, "It comes with an obsolete computer and a binder about safety hazards." Dilbert continues, "Your challenge is to look busy until someone gives you a meaningful assignment." Matt inquires, "How long will that take?" As Dilbert exits the cubicle, he comments, "I'm still waiting for mine." Matt proceeds to read the binder in front of his computer. "Safety tip 1: Don't sit near any obsolete computers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #administrative agencies, #project timeline, #waste one week, #set up meeting, #available in a week

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #inefficiencies, #kaizen team, #soultions, #busy, #being ineffcient, #ignorance, #aggressive type of objectivity

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Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #hardware, #internet & world wide web, #next week balancing, #traffic loads, #network, #worst wingman, #shame

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Wally: Is it okay if I spend the next week balancing traffic loads on our newtork? Asok: I thought I told you that our hardware vendor already did that. Wally: Worst wingman ever. Asok: Shame is my name!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #using company gym, #60 hrs week, #paying for itself

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Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #illness, #marketing people, #brain heals, #drank sludge, #brain worm, #dead in a week, #business

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Asok: Hi-ho, marketing people! I've been transferred into your department until mky brain heals. I drank some industrial sludge. But don't worry - I'll be able to shake it off in a few days. A little pollution can't hurt me. I grew up in India. This brain worm will be dead in a week, tops.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #busy converting, #lower morle, #stirring up trouble, #departments, #undercommunicating, #business

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Carol: He's busy converting everything you did this year into a complete waste of time. After that, he's scheduled to lower our morale. Then he'll be stirring up trouble in other departments. Dilbert: How's tomorrow look? Carol: He'll be under-communicating all day.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #inventions, #google, #develop ideas, #60 hours, #per week, #math, #education

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Man: At Google, we're encouraged to spend 20% of our time developing our own ideas. Dilbert: How many hours per week do you work? Man: About sixty. Wally: It sounds better when you don't do the math.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #machinery, #build robots, #wait a week, #forgets

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CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.