Buy Something Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

804 Results for Buy Something

View 1 - 10 results for buy something comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Something" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 1995's comic on:

Tags #technical support, #gullible, #optimistic, #buy something, #human being

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk with a telephone in his hand. A voice on the phone says, "Press 'One' for sales. Press 'Two' in a hopeless effort to get technical support." Dilbert presses "2." The voice on the phone continues, "Press 'One' for answers to questions you don't have. Press 'Two' if you're gullible and optimistic." Dilbert presses "2." The voice on the phone says, "Press 'Two' if you're willing to buy something just so you can talk to a human being . . ." Dilbert puts the phone on the desk and raises a mallet to strike it.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2002's comic on:

Tags #dilbert sales guy, #Card, #no correct info, #new ones, #costs money, #clout, #company, #buy something, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Dilbert the Sales Guy. Dilbert hands a customer his card and says, "Here's my card. None of this information is correct." The customer asks, "Why don't you get new ones?" Dilbert responds, "That costs money." The customer adds, "You must have a lot of clout in your company." Dilbert responds, "Shut up and buy something."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #shopping, #salesperson, #something, #buy, #looking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into a store with a sale sign. He thinks, "I hate shopping." Dilbert continues thinking, "There's never a salesperson when you want to buy something." Dilbert continues thinking, "But when you're just looking . . ." Several salespeople cling to his back, arms and legs.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 1996's comic on:

Tags #over internet, #credit card number, #insecure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Liz sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "I would never buy something over the internet. I'd hate to have my credit card number floating around out there." Dilbert hands his credit card to the waitress as he says, "There are a lot of unscrupulous people on the net." The caption says, "Later." Dilbert concludes, ". . . Bottom line, it just isn't common sense." The waitress returns wearing a fur coat and hands Dilbert's credit card back to him.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 1995's comic on:

Tags #person, #project, #headcount, #contract employee, #buy a computer, #over budget, #renting expensive, #Wally, #16 hour days, #boss thinks genius, #project cancelled

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches the Boss and says, "We desperately need another person on my project!" The Boss replies, "We're already over headcount. Get a contract employee." Dilbert says, "Okay, but they cost twice as much." Dilbert says, "Plus we need to buy a computer." The Boss says, "Rent one. We're over our capital budget." Dilbert replies, "Renting is expensive. We'll go over our expense budget." The Boss says, "I'll fire Wally. That will free up some cash." Dilbert throws his arms up in frustration and says, "Wally's on my project!" Dilbert shouts, "Forget it! I'll just work sixteen hours a day!!" The Boss thinks, "That worked out perfectly. I think I might be a genius or something." The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I wonder if I should have told him the project was cancelled last week."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2001's comic on:

Tags #rave review, #buy review, #new movie, #afford, #full price range, #new years day, #best comedy so far, #this year

View Transcript

Transcript

A Hollywood type says into the telephone, "Hello.. Yes, I'd like to buy a rave review for my new movie." Dogbert, on the other end of the line, replies, "Can you afford the 'suspenseful thrill ride' or would you like something more in the 'delightful' price range." The man responds, "I'm releasing it on New Year's Day, Can you give me a price for 'Best Comedy So Far This Year?'"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2005's comic on:

Tags #easy news cahnnel, #easy to gather, #countries want to kill u.s., #no phones, #two middle aged white guys, #they hate us, #we are wonderful, #buy book

View Transcript

Transcript

"Good evening. This is the Dogbert Easy News Channel." "We bring you all the news that's easy to gather." "Today's top story is about something that was first reported in a newspaper and later read by me." "People in other countries want to kill us. The rest of the article is mostly names I can't pronounce." "We thought about asking them why they want to kill us, but they don't have phones." "So here's the next best thing: a debate between two middle-aged white guys who also don't know why people want to kill us." "They hate us because we are so wonderful." "Buy my book or you will all die!" "Next on Easy News, our panelists wll discuss dumb crooks who keep getting stuck in chimneys." "Excellent."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2011's comic on:

Tags #managers & supervisors, #move to big building, #regular job, #so unimprotant, #won't be missed, #work on something, #month, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Tina, you'll be in charge of our move to the new building." Tina says, "That means you think my regular job is so unimportant that I won't be missed if I work on something else for a month." The Boss says, "If it makes you feel any better, this will take longer than a month."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2011's comic on:

Tags #annoyance, #frustration, #buy in, #cleaner, #windows don't open

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't get buy-in for my project because our CEO hasn't approved it. And I can't get our CEO to approve it until I have buy-in from all of the divisions. On the plus side, now I understand why the windows in our building don't open. Boss: It's cleaner.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2011's comic on:

Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.