Search Results for "buying services"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 110

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2004's comic on:

Tags #customers, #buy prodcut, #credibilty, #buying services, #dont talk

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dogberts Consults." Dogbert: "Never listen to your customers." "They were dumb enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility." "That reminds me: thanks for buying my services. Don't talk. Shhh." The boss: "Ooh."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cats & kittens, #computer software, #contracts, #harvest organs, #signed, #software services, #save lives

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "There's a guy in the lobby who says he's here to harvest your organs." Carol says, "Apparently, you signed a software services agreement without fully understanding it." Dilbert says, "Well, at least I can save lives." Carol says, "He said something about his cat's birthday."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2011's comic on:

Tags #blazers, #buying work clothes, #female, #men's clothing, #pantsuit talking, #unisex store, #unisex suit, #women suits

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm buying my work clothes at the unisex suit store. Dilbert: There's no such thing a unisex suit store. Wally: You always have to be right. Dilbert: That's the pantsuit talking.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #consolidating, #marketing, #illusion, #golf, #ceo, #money, #shared services, #Sports, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're consolidating our marketing into a shared services model. Asok: Why? Boss: Change creates the illusion that we have a strategy while giving our CEO an excuse to fire a VP who beat him at golf. And blah, blah, something about money. Asok: Must... not... cry... on the outside.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2012's comic on:

Tags #gadgets, #office equipment, #swine, #information services, #upgraded network secuirty, #facila recognition, #temporary passwrod, #face, #extensive plastic surgery, #to log on

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. Dilbert: I know. We've worked together for years. Mordac: And it still sounds awesome when I say it. Anyway, I up-graded our network security to include facial recognition. Your temporary password is this face. You'll need extensive plastic surgery to log on the first time. Dilbert: You've gone too far, Mordac! I will escalate this! Boss: I wish we'd had this conversation a week ago.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #operating, #manual, #buying, #flowers, #opening, #doors, #money, #woman, #Women, #dating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Would you like to see my operating manual?" Dilbert asks, "Operating manual?" The woman explains, "It's an aid to men. It covers everything from 'buying flowers' to 'opening doors.'" Dilbert reads the manual and says, "Looks like you're due to have your jewelry rotated." The woman replies, "Every thirty days. Saves money in the long run."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #buying, #tobacco, #lobby, #Politics, #anti-smoking, #facists, #media, #sex, #appeal, #positive

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and his senator sit across from a woman whose head is surrounded by cigarette smoke. There is a full ashtray on the desk. The senator has a "Sale" sign on his head. The woman says, "Mister Dogbert, the tobacco lobby is very interested in buying your senator." The woman continues, "We've been taking a beating from the anti-smoking fascists. I blame the media." The woman continues, "What we need is more attention on the positive aspects of smoking . . . Like sex appeal." The smoke clears and reveals the woman's ugly, withered head. Dogbert says, "Yes, sir."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #approve, #buying, #lenin, #body, #desk, #listening, #nostrils, #pencil, #holder

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I didn't approve of you buying Lenin's body to begin with . . ." The body lies across milk crates. Dilbert continues, "And I certainly don't approve of you making a desk out of it." Dilbert asks, "Are you listening to me?" Dogbert says, "Hey, if I flip him over I can use his nostrils as a pencil holder!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1994's comic on:

Tags #blind ambition, #chips & dips, #food services, #new name, #procurement, #the unled, #new department

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We'll need a name for the newly reorganized department. The name should reflect how Ive seamlessly integrated engineering with food services and procurement. Dilbert: How about "chips and dips"? Wally: "Blind Ambition" Man: " The unled"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #mop-up crew, #shave, #sixty, #percent, #public, #services

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in an empty room wearing only his underwear. He tells Dogbert, "I always get a warm, satisfied feeling right after paying my taxes." Dilbert continues, "Sure, it's a sacrifice . . . But my money goes to support vital public services." Someone knocks on the door. Dilbert opens the door and two men in trenchcoats enter. One man says, "We're the IRS mop-up crew." The man continues, "We came to take your socks and shave sixty percent of your dog." The other man holds an electric razor. One agent shaves Dogbert while the other pulls off Dilbert's socks. Dilbert says, "Remind me to adjust my withholdings for next year."