Called A Loser Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

302 Results for Called A Loser

View 1 - 10 results for called a loser comic strips. Discover the best "Called A Loser" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #hr dept., #views of management, #exceeds expectations, #renamed, #drool, #loser, #die die die, #category changes, #performance review

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #complain, #all night, #called a loser, #personality, #one thing, #complaint, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert returns home from his date and says to Dogbert, "My date complained about her life all night long!" Dilbert continues, "But I complain about just ONE thing and she calls ME a loser." Dogbert asks, "Did you complain about her personality?" Dilbert replies, "That's ONE thing!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #executive program, #relocate, #vindictive, #stress, #loser, #turn down opportunity, #train, #discomfort, #underlings

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #so-called, #unwritten rules, #porcupines, #balloon store

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to write down all of the so-called 'unwritten rules.'" Dogbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "So far I have 'Don't phone after ten p.m.' and . . . Uh . . ." Dilbert asks, "That's it?" Dogbert asks, "How about 'Don't throw porcupines in a balloon store?'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinosaur, #bob, #inside, #job, #sitting, #yuppie, #bigots, #called

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob the Dinosaur stands at a man's door and says, "Hi. I'm Bob. I called earlier about the babysitting job." The man says, "To be honest, we didn't know you were a dinosaur when you called . . ." Bob replies, "That's okay. I didn't know you were yuppie bigots."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #mouse, #office, #rid, #twenty, #five, #years, #called, #Women, #movement, #butt

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert watches as a woman says to the janitor, "Willy, there's a mouse in my office. Please get rid of it." Willy replies, "Haw haw! Twenty-five years of the so-called Women's Movement and nothing is different!" The woman says, "Do it now, or I'll fire your butt." Willy says, "This part is a little different."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #straw, #loser, #kill, #abusive, #coworker, #floyd, #blue, #short, #murderer, #cheater

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "Everybody pick a straw. The loser has to kill our abusive co-worker, Floyd." Ted says, "Dilbert loses. He picked the blue straw." Dilbert says, "I thought the SHORT straw loses." Ted replies, "You're already a murderer; don't be a cheater too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #called to brag, #dogbert headhunting service, #no skill, #pays 100k, #dogbert job

View Transcript

Transcript

"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prodcutivity, #moving, #cubcile, #phone, #comaputer, #disconnected, #boxed, #lost, #abandoned pretense, #loser

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss looks into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I see signs of productivity here. I'm moving you to another cubicle." The Boss continues, "Your phone and computer will be disconnected for weeks. Your files will be boxed and lost." Dilbert's hair stands on end as he says, "Good Lord, you've abandoned all pretense of being on our side!!" The Boss responds, "Loser."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #get extra engineer, #project, #transfer, #loser, #comapny, #misplaced optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits at his desk and says, "There are two ways to get an extra engineer for your project." Catbert continues, "You can transfer some unqualified loser from within the company . . ." Dilbert asks, "Or?" Catbert says, "Not so fast. I like to savor the moment before I crush your misplaced optimism."